My Kick-Ass/Kickline Weekend

The counter-programming method of release this past weekend was interesting. The film for Men, Cinephiles, and Comic Book Fans, The Dark Knight, was of course expected to do much better than the film for Housewives, Theatre Fairies, and Nostalgic Boomers, Mamma Mia!. And Lord did it ever.

Yet both films were for me. A Batfan from birth, I had been looking forward to The Dark Knight since mid-way through Batman Begins. An ABBA fan since whenever ("Fernando" and "Gimme Gimme Gimme" were childhood favorites) and a lover of Meryl Streep, I actually eagerly awaited Mamma Mia! more than the Bat-flick. At first.

Fortunately, I was able to see both films this weekend, one right after the other.

THE DARK KNIGHT
Dear God, if ever there was a definitive adaptation of a comic book, this is it. It has to be. The "realistic" approach that began with the first film is improved upon here, with the Nolans creating a crime thriller that just happens to have a man in a bat-suit running about. Aided, perhaps, by its length, The Dark Knight is the first Batman movie to fully flesh out the hero and the villains without losing a story thread. (Remember Michael Keaton in Batman Returns? Nor do I.) The cast becomes a fully realized ensemble, with ample screen time for each character, all perfectly cast.

A significant scene shows Batman (Christian Bale) on a rooftop with Lieutenant Gordon (Gary Oldman) and new District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). And here we have our leads. Oh, yes, there are a few surprises concerning these characters, and it would be wrong to suggest that the Joker (Heath Ledger) has a smaller role than these three, but these are your leads. They are the Moral Minority, as it were, and the film focuses on the downfall of that minority.

Gotham finally looks more like a real city than a soundstage--credit that to filming in Chicago, proving my Mother's theory that all great films take place there (Ferris Bueller, anyone?). The score composed by James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer is suspenseful (the familiar themes from the previous film), inspiring (Dent's theme), and frightening (the Joker). The Batsuit is improved, Morgan Freeman's Lucius Fox is developed, the structure is damn near flawless--it treats the comic book movie as a literary adaptation, and succeeds.

Yes, all that you have heard about Ledger is true. This is it, the greatest portrayal of the Joker put to film. With a slashed smile and chilling cackle, he's lost none of psychotic humor Jack Nicholson developed, but improves upon it. What we get is one of the greatest screen villains of our time. The man's damn funny, but you can't laugh because it's too disturbing.

It is Aaron Eckhart, though, who surprises and amazes as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. As I said: Batfan from birth. I'm usually just waiting for Dent's transformation to finally happen. But the Nolans script and Eckhart portrays Dent so sympathetically, so heroically, that I hoped that, perhaps, he didn't have to become Two-Face. He really is the White Knight of Gotham, and the armor shines through.

Christian Bale's Batman becomes more intimidating this time around. We get to see Jealous Bruce, as he becomes envious of Dent's relationship with Rachel Dawes (new and improved with Maggie Gyllenhaal). Sexy Bruce, as he does his billionaire schtick. Business Batman, throwing people off ledges so as to hurt them without killing them. Psychotic Batman, as he roughs up a suspect in an interrogation room. Clinically Insane Batman, as he resorts to questionable methods to find the Joker. Bale shines, and we get a more flawed and complicated version of the man we know as the "hero".

The Dark Knight is a treasure, the best film to come out so far this year. See it in IMAX--it's the best way to do it. I know. I've seen it twice now, in different formats. DO IMAX. ****


MAMMA MIA!
If you're coming to Mamma Mia! expecting the quality of, say, Hairspray or Moulin Rouge!, get the hell out. This isn't a bouncy musical that also happens to have an easily-relatable story. This is Mamma Mia!: it's a weak story with awesome ABBA tunes thrown into the mix. Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) is about to get married, but wants her father to walk her down the aisle. Unaware of who he is, she peeks into her Mom's (Meryl Streep) diary, finds the candidates, and invites them over. Hilarity ensues.

It's a musical, so the chief concern is the musical numbers. Well, they're a lot of fun. They're all ABBA songs, so only a few actually add anything to the story. But when they do, man, they hit it out of the park. Streep's "Slipping Through My Fingers" "The Winner Takes It All" almost make up for her ham-handed mugging during the majority of her prior scenes. Pierce Brosnan has a passable (not great) voice, but certainly knows how to deliver the emotion in "S.O.S." He joins Colin Firth and Stellan Skarsgard in a pleasant rendition of "Our Last Summer".

Speaking of Colin Firth, it is he who gives the best for the men. The best singer, the best dancer, the best actor, Firth takes center-stage, even if the shy banker he portrays doesn't. He is evenly matched by Christine Baranski, a hoot with her "Does Your Mother Know" number. But Julie Walters steals the show as Streep's other friend, a cookbook writer with a one-liner for every occasion. Just try to watch anyone else: it's IMPOSSIBLE. If you're not cheering by the time she belts "Take a Chance on Me" on a tabletop, you can't be watching the same movie. She's a spark of genuine life in a ensemble that tries too hard.

And that is the problem. Everyone is so eager to please. First-time director Phyllida Lloyd (who brought the show to the theatre), keeps that camera moving, leaving us unable to focus on the dancing queens that populate the screen. Streep and Seyfried overdo it, playing to the back row of the balcony while those of us watching their close-ups can only cringe. This is Sophie? This is Yolanda Johnson? Dominic Cooper has the opposite problem--he does not seem to be trying at all, though the character is also grossly underwritten. You'd think a movie about a wedding would focus at least a little bit on the groom.

But it is mindless fun, and it doesn't try to be anything else. The costumes are Fabulous (with a capital "F" decked in glitter), the Greek scenery gorgeous. It's dumb, it's a good time, it has to be seen to be believed. **1/2

More Silver Than Gold

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
Prince Nuada (Luke Goss) attempts to reawaken a sadistic and unstoppable army to kill all humans. Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and his gang try to stop him.

Guillermo del Toro once again presents his spectacular vision of monsters and the fantastic, and it is truly a feast. More "comic book-y" than its predecessor, Hellboy II provides more laughs, even if it means Barry Manilow duets. Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) has a more central storyline this time around--if only that story was worth telling.

See, every now and then, there are elements that don't work. Like, say, Abe's romance with Princess Nuala (Anna Walton), which is severely underwritten. Or a dull final battle. Or the fact that when thought about for more than three seconds, the plot makes no sense. Or the bland performances by Selma Blair and the aforementioned Walton. Or Danny Elfman's awful, all-over-the-place score.

But you know what? It's a Hellboy movie, and Hellboy was awesome. Seth McFarlane also impresses as Johann Krauss, an ectoplasmic spirit in a diver's suit. And Jones is quite good, too. And, as I said, the visuals are a feast for the eyes. What can I say after that? It was an enjoyable way to spend an hour and a half, and despite a number of flaws, it didn't really disappoint. ***

Batman Begins (2005) By the Numbers

150 million: Estimated budget, in dollars

100: Weight, in pounds, gained by Christian Bale to play Batman


20: Weight, in pounds, shed by Christian Bale after initial weight gain

18: People killed

12: Actors in major roles from the United Kingdom/Ireland


8: Years since previous Batman movie

4: Villains/antagonists (Ra's al-Ghul, Scarecrow, Carmine Falcone, Mr. Earle)


3: Number of times Christian Bale lost his voice while doing the "Batman" rasp

2: Academy Award Winners


1: Original character

Emmy Nominations That Matter

Congratulations to the following things that I actually care about:


Here's to you, The Office, for receiving 8 nominations, including:
-Best Comedy Series
-Best Actor (Comedy): Steve Carell as Michael Scott, "Goodbye, Toby"
-Best Supporting Actor (Comedy): Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute, "Money"
-Outstanding Writing (Comedy): Lee Eisenberg/Gene Stupnitsky, "Dinner Party"
-Outstanding Directing (Comedy): Paul Lieberstein, "Money"
-Outstanding Directing (Comedy): Paul Feig, "Goodbye, Toby"


Keep on keeping on, Pushing Daisies, with your 12 nominations, including:
-Best Actor (Comedy): Lee Pace as Ned, "Pie-Lette"
-Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Kristen Chenoweth as Olive Snook, "Girth"
-Outstanding Writing (Comedy): Bryan Fuller, "Pie-Lette"
-Outstanding Directing (Comedy): Barry Sonnenfeld, "Pie-Lette"


Lost, you received 7 nominations, and so I salute you. Included:
-Best Drama Series
-Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Michael Emerson as Ben, "The Shape of Things to Come"


4 nominations to Breaking Bad, one of the best shows on TV. Included:
-Best Actor (Drama): Bryan Cranston as Walter White, "Pilot"
-Oustanding Directing (Drama): Vince Gilligan, "Pilot"


And worthy applause to TV movie Recount, with 11 nominations total, including:
-Best Made-for-Television Movie
-Best Actor (TV Movie): Kevin Spacey as Ron Klain
-Best Actor (TV Movie): Tom Wilkinson as James Baker
-Best Supporting Actor (TV Movie): Denis Leary as Michael Whouley
-Best Supporting Actor (TV Movie): Bob Balaban as Ben Ginsberg
-Best Supporting Actress (TV Movie): Laura Dern as Katharine Harris
-Outstanding Directing (TV Movie): Jay Roach

SINS OF OMISSION:
-Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Melora Hardin as Jan Levinson, The Office (Dinner Party)
-Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Angela Kinsey as Angela, The Office (Fun Run)
-Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Naveen Andrews as Sayid, Lost (The Economist)
-Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Henry Ian Cusick as Desmond, Lost (The Constant)
-Best Guest Actress (Comedy): Amy Ryan as Holly, The Office (Goodbye Toby)

Batman & Robin (1997) By the Numbers

125 million: Estimated budget, in dollars

90: Weight, in pounds, of the Batsuit

75: Weight, in pounds, of the Mr. Freeze costume


50: Weight, in pounds, of the costumes for both Batgirl and Robin

5: Actors returning from previous Batman films

4: Ranking in EW's "Worst Sequels" countdown

4: Distracting cameos (Vivica A. Fox, Jesse Ventura, Coolio, Senator Patrick Leahy)


3: Scenes featuring Elle Macpherson

2: Main Villains


2: Future governors

0: Sequels

Batman Forever (1995) By the Numbers

100 million: Estimated budget, in dollars

41: Weight, in pounds, of the Robin costume


6: Years between Harvey Dent's first appearance and this one

4: Roles recast (Michael Keaton as Batman, Marlon Wayans as Robin, Rene Russo as Chase Meridian, Lando Calrissian as Harvey Dent/Two-Face)


3: Years between Batman Returns and Batman Forever

2: Actors returning from previous film

2: Main Villains


2: Academy Award Winners (Nicole Kidman, Tommy Lee Jones)

1: Drew Barrymore

Casting Coup: Beauty and the Beast

After the success that was Sleeping Beauty, a CCT dedicated to one of the greatest Disney movies of all time, it was only natural that I should continue this trend of crowd-pleasers with what many consider to be the greatest of Disney Princess films.

Released in 1991, Beauty and the Beast soon became the benchmark by which all other animated films were measured (then came The Lion King). To this day, it is the only animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. It became a hit Broadway musical, and became the Disney standard by which to measure future expectations (then came The Lion King). The straight-to-video sequel didn't suck, and there was even a live-action spin-off series for TV: "Sing Me a Story with Belle" (with a pilot called Belle's Magical World.

Most importantly, it introduced the first fully feminist Disney heroine. Sure, Ariel was cool, but that movie's more about a sexual awakening than a woman kicking ass. Belle's hot. Belle's smart. She reads, cares for her family, totally accepts singing flatware, and makes a man earn her love. That's the real selling point. A selfish prince turned into a ferocious Beast, until Belle taught him (a) manners, and (b) 'spect.

Wanting to tap into that demographic (and not like that) and satisfy the people, I decided to start some discourse. After all, we're all fans of Beauty and the Beast. Some of us can get protective of these clocks and candlesticks. Let's take a look at what Walter considers the ideal cast for a live-action version of the Disney classic, and see if he "gets it".

M. D'ARQUE
Who is He: The head of the asylum where Gaston tries to commit Maurice--unless Belle marries him! A small cameo, but so memorably creepy. And evil.


Originally played by: Tony Jay (Frollo in Hunchback)

My Choice: A popular Dutch actor who I find to be intriguingly creepy. Some people might find him sexy, but those people are not me.

Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner, Batman Begins, The Hitcher)


LEFOU
Who is He: Gaston's sycophantic "friend". Probably gay.


Originally played by: Jesse Corti (Crocodile #1 and #3 in The Wild Thornberries)

My Choice: This was pure Amanda. Thanks, girl Friday!

Timothy Spall (Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events)


MAURICE
Who is He: Belle's father, an eccentric inventor who wanders into the Beast's castle and makes himself at home. When the Beast imprisons him, Belle comes to the rescue and stays with the Beast instead.


Originally played by: Rex Everhart (Tony Award Nominee for Working)

My Choice: An Academy Award Winner for Best Director (once) and Best Original Screenplay (twice), this actor looks nothing like the Maurice you know. On the other hand, he's a great choice for a father figure who happens to be an inventor, thought mad by all who meet him.

Academy Award Winner Woody Allen (Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters)


MRS. POTTS
Who is She: Head Housekeeper of the Beast's castle, she was transformed into a teapot by the spell. She has a son, and she loves to sing.


Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee Angela Lansbury (The Manchurian Candidate, Gaslight, The Picture of Dorian Gray)

My Choice: Academy Award Winner for Best Actress (Misery)

Kathy Bates (Primary Colors, About Schmidt)


COGSWORTH
Who is He: Footman or butler or something. Probably valet. Or something. Anyway, he's a servant that's turned into a clock, and has a big ol' stick up his works and everything. Then Belle softens him, because she is MAGIC.


Originally played by: Disney/Woody Allen regular David Ogden Stiers (Radcliffe in Pocahontas, Edward Norton's dad in Everyone Says I Love You)

My Choice: I decided to go with an actual Frenchman, because I think he is the best choice. Of course, his accent will be out of place...

Dominique Pinon (Amelie, Delicatessen)


LUMIERE
Who is He: Another servant who may or may not be the butler/footman/valet/gardener/guy who wandered in at the worst possible moment. Turned into a candlestick, he has a "flare" for entertainment. Also a bit of a lothario, so you know he must have been sexy when he was a man.


Originally played by: Jerry Orbach (TV's Law & Order, Crimes and Misdemeanors)

My Choice: I wanted to add a bit of color to the cast. And he's awesome. And women consider him sexy. To which I say, imagine him with an accent.

Taye Diggs (Rent, Chicago, House on Haunted Hill)


GASTON
Who is He: A closet-case who flexes his muscles and acts all straight and manly and sadistic. Wants Belle, the most beautiful girl in town, to marry him, but cannot understand her world of things not Gaston. Clearly, the villain.


Originally played by: Richard White, an ordained minister from Tennessee

My Choice: An actual stage star, for once, and one that is both gay and incredibly built/good-looking.

Cheyenne Jackson (Xanadu: The Musical on Broadway, United 93)


THE BEAST/THE PRINCE

Who is He: A spoiled Prince who was a bastard one too many times. Transformed into a Beast, he must learn to love and be loved before a rose loses all of its petals.


Originally played by: Robby Benson

My Choice: Yes, yes, yes, of course he's rough enough to play the Beast. He can do it! And when he's the Prince--WHOO! You better believe that man's a prince!

Guy Pearce (Memento, L.A. Confidential)


BELLE

Who is She: A hot piece of ass who happens to also have a brain. But really, she's beautiful and smart, and the Beast can't become a handsome prince until he adheres to her rules.


Originally played by: Paige O'Hara (the soap opera Prince Edward watches in Enchanted)

My Choice: Smart, beautiful, could totally pull it off. She has a sophistication that absolutely nullifies the age difference between her and Guy Pearce.

Rachel McAdams (Married Life, The Notebook)

And, just as a special treat.....

THE BIMBETTES
Who are they: A group of blondes, following Gaston around until he realizes he doesn't need to bother with Belle when there are three nymphomaniacs surrounding him at all times.


Originally played by: Kath Soucie (Phil and Lil on Rugrats)

My Choice: Oh, come on. This is the most obvious of all casting choices.

Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt (The Girls Next Door)