The Horrors of 2016

In time for Halloween, some stray thoughts on this year's horror offerings (so far)....

The Witch (dir. Robert Eggers) - Superb on every level, an instant classic. Strikes a neat compromise between how the past fewer the threat of witches and our present-day attitude toward such "hysteria" (or, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!).

The Boy (dir. William Brent Bell) - Just a good time, with a genuinely shocking and nauseous twist - for me, anyway. And it had a great sense of humor about itself. I will say, though, modern horror flicks have a tendency to outstay their welcome, leaning on especially long climaxes.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (dir. Burr Steers) - It's fine, it's fine. Nothing to get worked up about either way.

10 Cloverfield Lane (dir. Dan Trachtenberg) - It does bank on a certain familiarity with its title, which drains some of the suspense from the proceedings. Dull when it should be claustrophobic. A thoroughly unenjoyable time - and this from a John Goodman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead fan!

The Wailing, Blair Witch, and more after the jump.....

13 Flicks for Halloween

Happy Halloween! 

I haven't ranked my favorite fright flicks in years -- and I won't be tonight, either! Instead, here are thirteen movies on my mind this Halloween, all after the jump. Feel free to take these as recommendations, and enjoy...

The Sincerest Form of Experimentation

Well, it took long enough but I finally finally started to watch some flicks for Shocktoberfest! The first film was one I'd never seen before, a divisive film that's been praised and damned equally, though one can't say it didn't take risks. From 1998, I give you...

Recommendations...of The DAMNED!!!

My best friend and I have a movie review show. This week, we recommend some bad-ass Halloween treats.

POLTERGEIST

A young family are visited by ghosts in their home. At first the ghosts appear friendly, moving objects around the house to the amusement of everyone, then they turn nasty and start to terrorise the family before they "kidnap" the youngest daughter. - from IMDb

You asked me to do it; I did it! Late last night, on Halloween Eve, I finally saw the horror classic Poltergeist.

Poltergeist is one of those films you think you know even if you've never seen it. The poster is iconic, the lines are oft-quoted ("They're here"), Family Guy remade it in an episode. It's very easy to walk into Poltergeist and be underwhelmed. Where's the opportunity for surprise and suspense when every twist and turn is part of popular culture?

Well, let me get out of the way first: Poltergeist is not really that scary, and I don't think you can completely blame overexposure for it. The film just doesn't work that way. The ghosts are big special effects creations, shining lights floating down like the aliens in Cocoon, or else monstrous skull demons roaring and throwing their heads out of closets. Monstrous and ugly, but not scary. There are moments that made my skin crawl -- the chairs on the table, the steak, the tree -- but it's not like I shivered and sat on the edge of my seat. It's spooky, certainly, but not terrifying. For me, anyway.

Still...

But it'd be nuts to base the quality of Poltergeist off of that alone. After all, not every ghost flick has to be chew-your-nails terrifying, and Poltergeist is obviously not concerned with that anyway. Its focus instead is on the effects these supernatural events have on a family, in particular the mother, played by JoBeth Williams.

I think this is what separates Poltergeist from all others. Craig T. Nelson's dad Steven is the one who actually goes out and calls on parapsychologist Dr. Tesh (Beatrice Straight) for help, but Williams' Diane is the film's focus. She refuses to leave the house, not wanting to leave her baby stuck in the spirit realm, but she is far from the helpless, hysterical mess this would imply. Instead, it's Steven who sits by in a chair, doubting the capabilities of his visitors, visibly exhausted, uncertain what to do. As the man, the protector of the family, he is left defeated by a force he can not understand, unable to bring his family through this horror -- it's emasculating, and Nelson gets this emotion through his slack face and confused movements.

As I said, it's the wife who takes charge. She refuses to leave her baby. She stays up with Dr. Lesh, forming a bond in a moving late-night conversation scene, learning more about this thing that has taken over her house. She puts her trust in medium Tangina. She is the one who puts on the rope so she can fetch Carol Anne from the other side, and she is the one who brings her children out of the house while Steven yells at his boss outside. Of course, she's also the one who at first toys with the idea of having these spirits around, using first her chair, then her own daughter, in an experiment to see them rush across the floor. She's flabbergasted and excited, but not afraid, and perhaps her vigilance later on is just as much a product of guilt as it is maternal instinct. After all, she literally offered up Carol Anne to the ghosts; what are they gonna do, deny it?

DON'T DO THAT

The conflict between husband and wife is hinted at throughout the film. I love the scene where Diane smokes pot in the master bedroom while Steven, unable to roll a joint, gives up and picks up Reagan: The Man, The President instead.

 

I love when she's trying to show him the chair moving across the kitchen and tells him to "Reach back into our past, when you sued to have an open mind. Remember that?" I love when Tangina asks the disciplinarian of the two to call Carol Anne's spirit closer using force and anger, and they argue about which one fits the role. I love most of all when Dr. Tesh asks Steven to name everyone in the house, with ages. And he names his wife Diane, 32, their oldest daughter Dana, 16....that kills me. You get a real idea of who these two were and are, understanding the dig at Steven's former open-mindedness and Diane's expert rolling of a joint.

It also provides a purpose for the presence of Dana in the story, a character who says nothing, does nothing, and might as well not exist. Ah, but what insight Dana's presence lends! The first child, there's eight years difference between her and son Robbie. And since her parents were both, presumably, in high school, there is a looser hold on her. She is frequently out with friends, apparently allowed to stay out on school nights, and while not open about her sex life, her references to her experiences are left virtually unchecked.

Through these moments, Poltergeist presents an interesting peek at the changing nuclear family. The free-lovin', free-wheelin', everyone smoke a jay, fuck-the-man, we won't be anything like our parents 60s and 70s is giving way to the Yuppie nirvana of the Reagan 80s. One gets the sense that whatever Steven and Diane did in that time, she was the instigator and he went along because he loved her. It's the one thing about this movie I cannot shake.

Ok, and Zelda Rubinstein as Tangina.

Get it, girl!

There are lots of other things I could discuss, like Dr. Lesh's own awakening to what she's experiencing, or the fact that after seeing four other Tobe Hooper films, I see his fingerprints on this just as much as Spielberg's. But this was all about introducing me to a film so that I could give a Casting Coup. After the jump, of course.

Shocktoberfest Stew

Happy Halloween everybody!

There's lots of catching up to do, including (I promised!) my review and Casting Coup of Poltergeist. That's later. Right now, I want to reassure you all that I have not been lolly-gagging about this October. I've actually been celebrating with the following films.

FRANKENWEENIE

THIS CAT IS AMAZING

 It's important to get the new releases in, right? Score, cinematography, animation -- all A-Plus! But is it me or did this script seem rushed, not fully formed? It's about the relationship between kids and their animals, about the importance of science, about letting go, about cats with psychic poop. That's fine, but the film really seems to only focus on each of those things for a five-minute span before getting distracted by things like a child version of Boris Karloff, or broad Japanese caricatures, or Martin Landau calling everyone dumb. Ok, that last part was the best thing in the film, but the rest of it is some half-formed theses about outcasts...? Laudable attempt that misses the mark. Most criminal: not enough Winona Ryder.  2.5/5 black cats.

V/H/S

Man had I been hearing some good things about this found-footage horror anthology -- two genres that are difficult to execute on their own, but together?! Here's what they offer:

•  Tape 56 - The wrap-around story, in which some thugs record themselves in their thuggery as they break into a house to steal a videotape. They don't know what videotape, so they go through all the tapes in the house. Meanwhile: mysterious happenings and disappearances! Interesting enough, decent execution, 2.5 black cats.
• Amateur Night - In which some guys sneak a camera on to one of their eye-glasses to make a sex tape. But the girl they pick up is not what she appears to be! Funny, inventive, gruesome, creepy: 3.5 black cats.
• Second Honeymoon - A stretch of genuine creepiness; longer stretches of tedium. Director Ti West is a fan of the slow-burn. Given 15 minutes to work with, he goes for all slow-burn capped off with an abrupt ending that disappoints. 2 black cats.
• Tuesday the 17th - Neat idea for a villain is sole redeeming value of this hunk o' junk. And just look at that smug title. Just...just terrible. .5 black cats.
• The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger - If you can get past the awful twist, the fact that it's Skype conversations that we are repeatedly told are not being recorded, and the fact that, wait, were these un-recorded Skype convos recorded then put on a VHS? Maybe I can't get past that. And what's with these self-satisfied titles? 1.5 black cats.
• 10/31/98 - INCREDIBLE. The only film here that believably executes the found footage conceit, presents characters you can immediately relate to, and is pants-shittingly terrifying. A twist that's earned and fluid within the narrative, not a lame "GOTCHA" moment? The most terrifying haunted house ever? A CULT?!? Baby, you reeeeal good. 5 black cats.

Overall, a disappointing venture with one glittering jewel...and another not-so-bad entry. 2/5 black cats.

For more thoughts and discussion of V/H/S, you'd do well to check out Cinemaniacs.

SISTERS OF DEATH

What a bizarre little film. A sorority (I guess?) of four invites two new members, one of them gets killed in a mock execution, they're lured to a ranch-house in the desert seven years later, and they get bumped off. Kind of falls apart at the end, with twist upon twist that, when compared with the film you just watched, don't make a lot of sense. Especially the last shot. Still, some great '70s eye candy, as you can see. 2/5 black cats.

EATEN ALIVE

Tobe Hooper's follow-up to Texas Chain Saw Massacre follows a disturbed innkeeper whose motel is off the beaten track, built above a swamp wherein lives his vicious crocodile. Often repetitive in its Character Checks In/Innkeeper Goes Fire-and-Brimstone Nuts/Croc Eats structure, the real draw here is the central performance by Neville Brand as the innkeeper, Judd.

Muttering away to himself, a mix of fearful child and pious old man, his is an interesting creation that stays with you long after -- in my case, weeks after. Brand's performance in unsettling, not least of all because you can see how the switch gets flipped from accommodating host to vengeful murderer. That alone brings it to 3.5/5 black cats.

BLOOD FEAST

Finally watched a Herschell Gordon Lewis film, his first foray into horror. Filmed in Miami (whoo! Florida! represent!), the splatter-fest follows an Egyptian caterer who murders women for a cannibalistic feast meant to bring goddess of death Ishtar to Earth. It's ridiculous, but it knows and accepts it. Lewis almost scoffs at anything like "characters" or "actors" or "cinematography". He knows you came for the gore, and he delivers -- oh, boy howdy, he delivers like no one ever before. The tongue getting ripped out bare-handed is probably the highlight. 4/5 black cats.

But you know, for me it's all about Mrs. Fremont.



Hahaha! Mrs. Fremont is the fucking best. That hat, the way she bugs her tiny eyes, the way she enunciates every syllable of "student of Egyptian culture." Oh my God, Mrs. Fremont is my hero! Sure, the film's cops try to steal the show with their attempts to secure the tile of Most Unfazed Homicide Detectives in All of History. But when I think of Blood Feast, I think of Mrs. Fremont learning her caterer was going to serve her human flesh and clucking, "Oh, dear. The guests will just have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight."

Give her 5.5/5 black cats.

ORPHAN

See, this is how you do horror. Build your characters, build suspense, get a few macabre laughs in there, cast some classy, able thespians...then in the last 15 or 20 minutes go completely balls to the wall insane! That Orphan manages to be such a good time while dabbling in such icky subject matter is a credit to the filmmaking team -- director Jaume Collet-Sera (House of Wax) and writer David Johnson (Red Riding Hood) know from guilty pleasures. 3.5/5 black cats.

TWO THOUSAND MANIACS

Yeah, I went and watched it anyway. And oh my GOD am I happy I did so! Herschell Gordon Lewis's clever satire about the South's fanatical attachment to its Confederate history comes wrapped in blood and guts...or do the blood and guts come wrapped in butcher paper? HA! No, but it's great. Six Northerners get lost in a tiny Southern town and become sacrifices during the town's Civil War Centennial celebration. Where Blood Feast has one highlight, Two Thousand Maniacs has several, including a great "horse race" punctuated by "Dixieland" and a "barrel roll" that is actually stomach-churning to watch. Overflowing with sadistic creativity and proudly tasteless humor. And I know everyone looked like this in 1966, but I love how much femme fatale Betsy looks like a demented Lawrence Welk champagne girl.

Right? Anyway, this is what horror is all about. 5/5 black cats.

Casting Coup Tuesday: Young Frankenstein

One Sunday -- third grade, perhaps? -- I came home from a friend's house to see my parents watching a horror movie on TV. I was into old school horror for a while (still am): if it was black-and-white and had a Frankienstein or a vampire or a Chaney, I was in.

My parents seemed a trifle wary about my joining them...but my dad had a certain rule for even the most risque films: if it was awesome, it was the exception. So it was that I sat down and prepared to enjoy some creature feature thrills and chills.

But this Frankenstein movie seemed different. This one seemed....funny. And why were Mrs. White and Willy Wonka in this?

Well, you better believe by that Christmas I had Young Frankenstein on VHS. It was a favorite of mine, perfect for a rainy day. And as the years went by, I found more and more people who felt as I did. Imagine my excitement when, studying the original novel in high school, the teacher chose the Mel Brooks version as the finest cinematic execution of the conflict and themes Mary Shelley first portrayed. And even if it wasn't, it was entertaining enough to keep us quiet for a bit.

Since I was already a fan of the Universal films, Young Frankenstein offered more to me than just laughs. I appreciated Mel Brooks' affectionate homage on a technical level, from the sets to the cinematography to the acting to the music to...I mean, you get it. I was also surprised by the emotional depth: the Monster's climactic appeal for love and understanding for himself and his creator is beautifully written and performed, but it's Frederick's own acceptance of both the Monster and his family in the middle that has always struck me as the most moving scene in the film.

Young Frankenstein was equally successful with critics and audiences. At the box office, it was bested only by The Towering Inferno and Mel Brooks' other genre parody, Blazing Saddles. Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks found themsleves nominated for the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay, while co-stars Cloris Leachman and Madeline Kahn earned Golden Globe nominations of their own. Richard Portman (who would eventually win for The Deer Hunter) and Gene Cantamessa (ditto for ET) were nominated for their sound work, but all the nominations in those "prestigious" awards bodies came to naught. Still -- when you're a black-and-white horror-comedy, going up against The Godfather: Part II on Hollywood's biggest night ain't bad.

Naturally, we can never let a good thing go, so it was inevitable that, following the success of his Broadway adaptation of The Producers, Brooks would choose Young Frankenstein as his follow-up. Actually, I think Young Frankenstein would be ripe for a musical transfer, but Brooks' music here is similar to that of The Producers. And let's face it, what's good for the satire about show business is not good for the homage to horror classics. But I bring this up not just to note the film's continued influence, but to mention that there is precedence for re-casting the roles of this classic comedy.

And here's mine:

ELIZABETH

Who is She: Frederick's fiancee, a high-maintenance city gal who surprises her love with an impromptu visit. She is kidnapped by the lustful Monster Frederick created....but finds herself not entirely displeased.

Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Paper Moon, Blazing Saddles), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Paper Moon, Young Frankenstein), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Nixon)

Madeline Kahn (What's Up, Doc?, Clue)

My Choice: Hollmann Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt), Academy Award/SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Junebug, Doubt, The Fighter), BAFTA Award/Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt, The Fighter), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Enchanted), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Doubt, The Fighter)

Amy Adams (Trouble with the Curve, The Master)

She should play bitchy more often. And comedy.

INSPECTOR KEMP

Who is He: Transylvanian police inspector with the false arm, one eye and limp. Visits Frederick to assuage the village's fears, but later feels that it's about time to riot. His accent is so thick as to be barely comprehensible.

Originally played by:

Kenneth Mars (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, We're Back: A Dinosaur Story)

My Choice:

Matt Berry (Moon, Snow White and the Huntsman)

He of the distinctive voice, from the television shows "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" and "The IT Crowd". Could bring the authority that comes with being a police inspector, and certainly capable of executing the ridiculous.

FRAU BLUCHER

Who is She: Loyal housekeeper of Castle Frankenstein, she lures Frederick to Victor's diary, tempting him to also play God and create the Monster. In the past, she helped Victor...loved Victor...he was her boyfriend!

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Young Frankenstein), Academy Award/BAFTA Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (The Last Picture Show), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Charley and the Angel, Young Frankenstein) and Best Supporting Actress (The Last Picture Show), SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Spanglish)

Cloris Leachman (Sky High, The Oogieloves in: The Big Balloon Adventure)

My Choice:

Catherine O'Hara (Penelope, Away We Go)

One of the very best comic actresses in the business, so effective because she doesn't play comic characters, but people who happen to be amusing or funny or embarrassing. She's a master of voice-work: witness her playing multiple parts in Nightmare Before Christmas and Frankenweenie. Can't you just see her climbing up those stairs, fiddle in hand, screaming, "He vass my BOYFRIENNNNN'!"?

INGA

Who is She: Frederick's beautiful assistant, fiercely loyal, often up for a roll in ze hay.

Originally played by: Academy Award/BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Tootsie)

Teri Garr (Oh, God, Pret-a-Porter)

My Choice:

Malin Akerman (Watchmen, Rock of Ages)

Her work with the alum of The State on "Children's Hospital" and Wanderlust, and with Lisa Kudrow on "The Comeback", showcase her comic chops. Never playing down her beauty, yet never relying on looks alone, Akerman's one of the more exciting comediennes the decade's offered us. I'm pretty sure she can do the accent -- I know she's Swedish, which isn't the same at all as Transylvanian, but I feel like she could probably do a good German voice. And she's just so lovely!

IGOR

Who is He: Frederick's hump-backed assistant, grandson of the original Ygor. Eager to please, almost child-like, one of my favorites.

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Young Frankenstein), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Silent Movie)

Marty Feldman (The Magnificent Seven Deadly Sins, The Last Remake of Beau Geste)

My Choice: SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Frost/Nixon)

Toby Jones (Finding Neverland, City of Ember)

The man deserves every possible chance to prove himself. Although he gets funny bits in some of his roles, he has yet to really showcase his comic talents on film. Now is the time.

THE MONSTER

Who is He: Frederick's creation, blessed with a talent for Irving Berlin and an enormous schwanz.

Originally played by:

Peter Boyle (Taxi Driver, The Adventures of Pluto Nash)

My Choice:

Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Five-Year Engagement)

FREDERICK FRANKENSTEIN

Who is He: The American grandson of the Dr. Victor Frankenstein, seeking to distance himself from Grandpa's reputation by offering a different pronunciation of his name (Fronk-en-steen). Inheriting his grandfather's estate, he travels to Transylvania and finds himself caught in the same madness that haunted Victor: the creation of human life.

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Winner for Best Adapted Screenplay (Young Frankenstein), Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (The Producers) and Best Adapted Screenplay (Young Frankenstein), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Silver Streak), WGA Award Nominee for Best Adapted Comedy (Young Frankenstein)

Gene Wilder (Haunted Honeymoon, The Woman in Red)

My Choice: SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (The Cider House Rules)

Paul Rudd (Clueless, Wanderlust)

His understated delivery works for him as much as it did Gene Wilder. But his more laid-back, everyman approach, even when playing prude, would guarantee a new interpretation that would still kill.

The Plague's the Thing!

I promise you I have been watching horror flicks. Soon, Poltergeist!

LIFEFORCE

In Lifeforce, Tobe Hooper and The Cannon Group give us a tale of a decimated spaceship bringing three mysterious humanoids back to Earth. And wouldn't you know it -- they're energy vampires, intergalactic antecedents of the bloodsuckers of legend! Soon, they escape, and it's up to SAS Captain Peter Firth and surviving American astronaut Steve Railsback to stop the creatures as they spread their plague throughout London.

What starts promisingly, even nightmarishly, soon dissolves into a run-of-the-mill, so-so acted, nonsensical bore. Railsback becomes the narrative's hero, and he's just nowhere near as interesting as, say, scientist Frank Finlay or Home Secretary Aubrey Morris. I don't know if it's the fault of the severe edits from post-production, either, because even in the moody beginning Railsback is a problem. You lull yourself into a false state of security, assured that since all the astronauts died, he went with them. But no! He's the lead! And chasing around blue lazers that are supposed to be souls! NEON SOULS FROM OUTER SPACE! Or something.

I was immensely disappointed, and between this and last year's viewing of The Funhouse -- which is admittedly more of a noble failure than a terrible movie -- I was beginning to wonder if maybe everyone was right. Maybe The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was an anomaly.

More on that later, though. Out of five black cats, Lifeforce gets two. I'm being generous.


RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

I loved this film the first time I saw it, but that was two years ago now. I had to re-visit it, even if it was just to watch Clu Gulager and brag to myself that I've met and spoken with him a number of times since moving to LA (he heard me singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and told me I had a wonderful falsetto).

Ok, so, Return of the Living Dead is about two guys at a medical supply warehouse who accidentally open a toxic container that was meant to be shipped to the military. This container releases a zombie and a chemical that not only slowly kills them, but gets into the air and awakens the dead. And these are the type of dead who want BRAAAAAINS and can talk and run and are really fucking creepy. The two guys soon find themselves battling the zombies alongside their boss, the younger employee's girlfriend, her friends and an undertaker.

What everyone loves about Return of the Living Dead is the humor. It's a horror-comedy, so there's plenty of grisly laughs to be had. What I especially love about Return of the Living Dead is the empathy it has for each of its protagonists. Both of the guys who release the toxins are pretty doofy, but instead of settling for "buncha dummies" laughs, the film gives them stakes, real fear about their predicament, and choices that are alternately horrific and tragic.

Rich in character, suspense and humor, it's no surprise that it's Dan O'Bannon who both wrote and directed the picture. He is, of course, the screenwriter of horror masterpieces Alien and Dead & Buried (brilliant!), as well as the visual effects guru/co-writer of Dark Star (John Carpenter's first film) and disappointed screenwriter of -- guess what? -- Lifeforce! If one was to choose between his 1985 plague offerings, of course, it's this one that wins. Because, I mean:



So awesome! Five out of five black cats!

Casting Coup Tuesdays: Strait-Jacket

Lucy Harbin has been in an insane asylum for twenty years after hacking up her husband and his lover in front of her young daughter. Finally released, she is reunited with her affianced offspring, who only wishes to be one happy family. And then people start losing their heads -- literally.

I first saw Strait-Jacket a little over a year ago, for my 1964 retrospective. I had wanted to see it for a long time: being a fan of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, it was only natural that I should desire to see the Hag Horror Follow-Ups, especially if they starred my beloved Hudson Sisters. Well, Trog! remains unseen, but this gem, made the same year as Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte, is one of those that I've seen over and over again -- even if it's only in my head.

As much as people outside the cult horror fandom like to deride William Castle as little more than a marketing whiz and PT Barnum type, the man used his kitschy tricks to further enhance his films, not as stand-ins for creativity and imagination. His "Emergo" trick for House on Haunted Hill -- a skeleton crawls out of the ground and flies over the audience just as a skeleton emerges in the film -- would not have worked were you not already on the edge of your seat. Same with his "Percepto" gimmick for The Tingler. Indeed, the evidence of his strength as a director lies in the immortality of his work. Sans gimmicks, sans publicity, sans campy trailer, his films still have the ability to frighten and engage.

And while Strait-Jacket isn't really scary, per se, it does an unsettling, almost discombobulating film. Joan Crawford's entrapment in the most mind-bending washroom ever built is not only eerie for its Caligari-esque production design, but for the lack of transition. We are suddenly in this bizarre prison (with sink), with no explanation of how or why. Castle gets us into the mind of his unstable heroine through such "tricks" -- although any other filmmaker would be credited for his CRAFT. It's his most uncomfortable film since the underrated Barbara Stanwyck thriller The Night Walker.

But really: who designed this?

What I love most about Strait-Jacket are the performances, of course. The characters really are rich, and ripe for multiple interpretations. Perhaps Lucy's encounter with her daughter's fiance wouldn't be so queasily horned up in another actress's hands; perhaps Mrs. Fields would seem more understandable rather than just a tight-ass; perhaps Bill Cutler would show noticeable signs of strain. And I don't know how anyone could work on their own version of Diane Baker's character, but they've got a tough road ahead of them -- I nominated her for Best Supporting Actress.

I don't know, and yet I tried:

DR ANDERSON

Who is He: Lucy's psych at the hospital, who drops by for a visit. And then just disappears...

Originally played by: Pepsi-Cola Vice President

Mitchell Cox

My Choice:

Audra McDonald (It Runs In the Family, Rampart)

EMILY CUTLER

Who is She: The wary wife of Bill, she's helped him to raise niece Carol but is naturally concerned with the reappearance of nutty mama Lucy. Supportive throughout, she maintains dignity and patience even in Lucy's less lucid moments.

Originally played by:

Rochelle Hudson (Les Miserables (1935), The Night Walker)

My Choice:

Caroline Rhea ("Sabrina, the Teenage Witch", Christmas with the Kranks)

MRS. ALISON FIELDS

Who is She: The snobbish mother of Carol's fiance, she takes an instant dislike to Lucy, and is vehemently against the marriage. I mean, would you want your son's mother-in-law to be a just-released murderess?

Originally played by:

Edith Atwater (True Grit, Die Sister, Die!)

My Choice: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Cedar Rapids)

Anne Heche (Wag the Dog, Psycho)

RAYMOND FIELDS

Who is He: Her husband, a man of means who thinks Carol's a nice girl, but that mother... Anyway, he winds up in the closet on the wrong end of a hatchet.

Originally played by:

Howard St. John (Born Yesterday, Lafayette)

My Choice: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (The Purple Rose of Cairo, Something Wild, The Squid and the Whale), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (The Hours, Good Night and Good Luck)

Jeff Daniels (Pleasantville, Looper)

LEO

Who is He: The Cutlers' extra set of hands around the farm. Greasy, sleazy, none-too-bright, Leo sees -- and sees through -- everything happening around the house. And of course, someone feels that he must be gotten out of the way.

Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Supporting Actor (Cool Hand Luke), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Cool Hand Luke, Airport)

George Kennedy (The Naked Gun, Bolero)

My Choice:

Jason Clarke (Public Enemies, Lawless)

MICHAEL FIELDS

Who is He: Carol's fiance, a good-looking young man who is oddly patient with his future mother-in-law, even when she's obviously hitting on him. By wrapping her arms about him. And sticking her fingers in his mouth.

Originally played by:

John Anthony Hayes (Ride the Wild Surf, Winter A-Go-Go)

My Choice:

Chace Crawford (The Covenant, What To Expect When You're Expecting)

BILL CUTLER

Who is He: Lucy's brother, concerned for her mental well-being and Carol's welfare. Thinks something is amok, but also hopes that Lucy is healthy again.

Originally played by:

Leif Erickson (Sailor Beware, On the Waterfront)

My Choice:

Louis C.K. (Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, The Invention of Lying)

CAROL HARBIN

Who is She: Lucy's daughter, brought up by her aunt and uncle. She witnessed the mother of her father and his mistress by Lucy, but has grown up well-mannered, confident, and beautiful. When Lucy comes home, Carol immediately tries to pick up where they left off, which may not be a good thing.

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Strait-Jacket), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (The Prize)

Diane Baker (The Silence of the Lambs, The Joy Luck Club)

My Choice: Hollmann Award/Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress [Musical/Comedy] (Easy A), SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (The Help)

Emma Stone (The House Bunny, The Amazing Spider-Man)

LUCY HARBIN

Who is She: Locked away for twenty years after hacking up her adulterous husband and his mistress, Lucy comes back quiet and gray, ready to be reunited with her daughter. Oy, but she's only a few steps away from crazy -- she hears chanting and bells jangling (she wore a bell charm bracelet during the murder), blacks out, hits on her future son-in-law, screams at his mother... She's a piece of work. And then the bodies start piling up.

Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Actress (Mildred Pierce), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Foreign Actress (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Drama (Sudden Fear)

Joan Crawford (Grand Hotel, Trog)

My Choice: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Savage Grace), Academy Award/SAG Award Nominee for Best Actress (The End of the Affair, Far from Heaven) and Best Supporting Actress (Boogie Nights, The Hours), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Actress (The End of the Affair, The Kids Are All Right) and Best Supporting Actress (The Hours), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Drama and Musical/Comedy (The End of the Affair, An Ideal Husband, Far from Heaven, The Kids Are All Right) and Best Supporting Actress (Boogie Nights, A Single Man), SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Magnolia) and Best Ensemble (Boogie Nights, Magnolia, The Hours, The Kids Are All Right)

Julianne Moore (The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Being Flynn)
She's been my first choice since I saw the film. She would bring a whole new spin to the role, one that didn't depend on making this old woman pathetic. Naw, this Lucy would be sexy-dangerous, and yet moving with her attempts at familial bonds.

Welcome, Boys and Ghouls....

SHOCKTOBERFEST IS UPON US!

I started the festivities early last night with Hotel Transylvania, a flick that throws all the famous monsters together for a lavish party...a mad monster party, if you will.

HA! MADNESS!

 
In this case, it's the 118th birthday of Dracula's daughter Mavis. All's well and good until a human happens on the festivities, falling in love with the beautiful birthday girl while Dracula, proprietor of the titular hotel, tries to keep the others from finding out about the surprise guest. The all-star voice cast features Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg, Fran Drescher and Steve Buscemi (to name just a few), and the script provides the expected monster jokes, including their alternate versions of our human ways -- for instance, instead of "Do Not Disturb" signs, shrunken heads yell the words and order maid service. It's all quite clever!

Unfortunately, making those mad monster jokes is all the clever we can muster, and takes up a large part of the running time. Maybe the kids will love it in the theater -- although if the kids sitting near me were any indication, maybe not -- but they won't remember this film down the road. The stuff with Mavis works. We get the lesson about letting go and following your own path and loving who you love no matter who they are, and Adam Sandler and Selena Gomez do some admirable voice work. Also, it's the only time the film slows down from its breakneck pace. Otherwise, it's JOKE JOKE JOKE SETPIECE JOKE JOKE JOKE AHHH MONSTERS AHH HUMAN IT'S SO DIFFERENT IN THIS WORLD RIGHT RIGHT HUH? HUH? I mean, look, a lot of those quick gags were funny, but after a while it becomes clear that they're filler for a movie that just isn't there.

Obviously, I was reminded of the Rankin-Bass Mad Monster Party, and not just because of the general plot.

HA! MADNESS!

 
No, I was reminded because that, too, was a concept in search of a story. Characters didn't break out into song so much as they stumbled upon dirges, randomly dropped into the tale to lengthen what must have been a ten-minute story into a full hour. Hotel Transylvania is much the same way, only it doesn't give us any time at all to watch what's happening. Where Mad Monster Party lingers too long, Hotel Transylvania skips ahead before it's time. I laughed out loud, certainly, but it was equal parts compliment and incredulity.

The voice-work was great, though! And as a sidenote, I appreciated that they cast Fran Drescher as the Bride of Frankenstein, following Mad Monster Party's footsteps in giving the role to a beloved comedienne with a distinctive voice. Of course, Phyllis Diller had better lines (for whatever that's worth), but Fran!

Before we sign off for the day, a few things.

First: You have spoken, and the results are in. And it should be no surprise: last year, this film came in second place to Rosemary's Baby, and no one at all voted for Don't Look Now or The Changeling. This year, everyone got at least one vote, but it was clear from the beginning: Poltergeist it is! Sorry, Friday the 13th, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Second: My best friend and I came up with the name Shocktoberfest in college....only to find out later that such term was already adopted by Stacie Ponder of Final Girl. So while you're celebrating Shocktoberfest with us, make sure you hit up her party, too! She's one of the best film writers out there, passionate and hilarious, with an appreciation of Charles Nelson Reilly.

Third: Remember to tune in tomorrow for the return of Casting Coup Tuesdays with Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte.

Play us out, Phyllis.

Ghoulish Delights Forthcoming!

They're coming to get you, reader...

Yes, lovelies, HALLOWEEN is rearing its horrifying, awesome head, which means it's time to re-imagine those gran guignol faves of mine with the stars of today! Why? Because at the rate moviemaking is going, they're going to remake them anyway, so why not throw in my two cents at the outset?

But what would this be without you telling me what you want? I've already got four of the films in mind; now you're gonna tell me what to finish with. And here's the best part: no matter what you choose, I've never seen it before! I'll be reviewing a new (to me) film and offering a Casting Coup! Hooray!

poll by twiigs.com

 

You can also see this poll on the sidebar.

Of course, I'll also try to put up reviews of the horror flicks I watch this month, so feel free to recommend your own favorites!

Oh, and before I forget, the other four Casting Coups for October:

Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte

October 2

 Strait-Jacket

October 9

Young Frankenstein

October 16

 Theatre of Blood

October 23

YOUR PICK

October 30