Cry, Little Sister: Shocktoberfest, Week Un

So, what have I been up to with the Shocktoberfestivities? If you follow my Twitter (and really, why wouldn't you?), then you've been seeing my little capsules. Now, that isn't exactly fair for the rest of my readership out there, so let's catch up, shall we?

THE LOST BOYS

From that first shot sweeping into the carnival to an eerie carousel theme, I knew I was in for something fun; I knew I would probably fall in love with the credit "and Dianne Wiest" came up.

I don't think I'm alone in believing that horror movies hit a kind of stride during the 70s and 80s. The bad hair, kooky clothes, and love of synth add an extra element of eerie- and otherness, a world where the young heroes are as odd-looking as the punk vampires, a world where watching sweaty men rock the saxophone is what passes for young nightlife. It was a weird decade, is what I'm saying.

Though their women were impeccable

 Schumacher, so often derided for his insistence on going big, is a perfect fit here. When your finale features exploding heads, a stereo inferno, and blood bursting out of all the plumbing, subtle is so not the way to go. And yet! -- he also gets layered, hypnotic performances out of hunky hero Jason Patric, deliciously evil Kiefer Sutherland and ethereal beauty Jami Gertz (the Coreys, in their first film together, are of course tops, along with under-appreciated Jamison Newlander and Queen Dianne herself, but it's really about those other three). Also give him props for that scary/beautiful moment where the vampires are hanging from the train tracks with Patric in the fog...genuinely unsettling.

In the end, I would give it 5/5 black cats.

HELL NIGHT

Our follow-up was not as successful. Hell Night apparently wants to go for the moody and the spooky, with long sequences in which our heroes walk around a candlelit mansion to investigate the bumps in the night. Instead, the pacing and poor lighting make it an exercise in curing insomnia.

I can get behind the set-up -- four pledges are challenged to stay the night in a "haunted" mansion, where a disfigured killer is on the loose. Yes, killer-in-an-abandoned-estate movies are a dime a dozen, but horror has always been more about the execution (and executions!) than the story. For example, last year we screened The Burning, in which a disfigured killer targets summer campers and their counselors. Been there, done that, but the execution -- a large ensemble, creative deaths, mass murder, actual funny humor, and a largely unsympathetic Final Boy -- set it apart from the rest, and it's among only three Shocktoberfest films that I even remember from last year (the others are Suspiria and The Devil Rides Out). Then there's the man-inherits-haunted-house thriller House, with a typical setup but a disturbing, thought-provoking, atypical execution. Screened on a whim our inaugural year, it's become a standard, and we watch it every year with the equally-awesome House II: The Second Story.

Which is all a long way to say that it's not the cliches that bugged me about Hell Night. Actually, Hell Night tries as hard as it can not to fall into cliches, as it develops its two leads, takes a slow pace, and allows its Final Girl to drink alcohol and bang boys. There are even some genuinely spooky moments! But I'm afraid it's all left me cold. When all but two characters are dead and there are still twenty minutes left, that slow pace starts to feel less a creative choice than a necessity to get the film to feature-length. And while it develops its two leads, the rest of the cast is colorless and annoying, underlit bodies waiting to become swathed-in-darkness corpses. I'm as happy to see Linda Blair as the next guy, but couldn't we get her in a better movie?

Still, its heart is in the right place, and the first twenty minutes are fine, so I would have to give it 2/5 black cats.

ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK

Elvira answers the age-old question, "How many jokes can you make about one person's bust?" The answer: about 96 minutes' worth. No, that's not fair, there is a plot: Elvira inherits her dead great-aunt's decrepit home and spellbook in a small New England town that has its own Morality Committee; naturally, they don't take to her, nor she to them, but there's bigger fish to fry when dead auntie's evil brother comes looking for that spellbook. The movie never pretends to want to be more than just great fun...and it is! There are some eye-rolling moments, be they in the form of jokes, effects, or that wooden romantic interest, but if you can't embrace camp and kitsch, you probably shouldn't be watching Elvira.

Besides, Edie McClurg plays a character named Chastity Pariah. Give it 3.5/5 black cats.

THE CRAFT

And if one is going to be pleasantly surprised, Shocktoberfest is the time to do it. What was I epecting from The Craft? Some 90s wackiness? Melodramatics from forgotten stars? Attempts at "cool" moments that played awfully cheesy fifteen years later? Oh, The Craft, you failed to bring me any of this, and instead brought me a legitimately cool, sexy thriller with fully-developed characters, eerie moments, great visual effects...I loved it!

Ok, so the film follows impossibly beautiful new girl Robin Tunney as she arrives in LA and attends a Catholic school. Mind, Tunney isn't just your run-of-the-mill gorgeous heroine; she's got some..."abilities", shall we say?...that make a trio of social outcasts take notice. Neve Campbell has burns all along her back that she covers up in layers of clothing; Fairuza Balk is of easy virtue, from a broke and abusive home; Rachel True is black. Together, they are "the Bitches of Eastwick", and they bring Tunney into their teenage coven to complete the circle. Then things get scary/awesome/eerie/unsettling/BAAAHH, because this isn't a group of girls skimming books on Wicca and wearing black nail polish. These bitches are witches.

Witches who hate sea life, apparently

 Then the movie just sort of follows them as they perform their magic. First it seems all they want is for their lives to get better, or for the bully to feel their pain, and that's cool. That's teenage stuff. Then some dark powers are inevitably released and Fairuza Balk's leader goes straight to Crazy Town (and I'm not talking being someones butterfly, sugar, baby). Evil is embraced, and Tunney must stop it!

And so far all I've done is summarize, but oh my God! this movie is so awesome! I love that the film sometimes leaves the main character so it can develop the other girls in the circle, refusing to settle for ciphers or stereotypes. I love that there are genuinely disturbing things happening, like beached sharks en masse or snake fingers or MURDER. I love Tunney's line readings, with all the confidence of a great actress and all the awkwardness of a real teenager. I love the lack of judgment on this alternative spirituality, that we even get some real education from the mystical Lirio (Assumpta Serna).

Most of all, I love Fairuza Balk's absolutely cray-cray performance as unhappy evil mega-bitch super-witch Nancy. Nancy, you and your movie get 5/5 black cats.

HALLOWEEN H20: TWENTY YEARS LATER

On the one hand, I love Jamie Lee Curtis in this film. Laurie Strode is now living under an assumed name, the headmistress of a private school, with a 17-year-old son played by Josh Hartnett in his film debut. Still haunted by Michael Meyers, her worst nightmares are realized when he comes back...to KILL! Curtis is phenomenal in the role, cementing her status as the Scream Queen. Whether a worried mother, sexy lover, frightened escapee or exhausted avenger, Curtis plays every beat magnificently. The famous scene where she actually looks at Michael from the other side of a door is dynamite -- that is a fear that you feel, deep in your bones.

Like this!

 On the other hand, the movie is much too short. At under 90 minutes, the film hastily dispatches its characters with little regard to pacing or atmosphere. It's especially surprising given the slow burn pre-titles sequence. It's doubly especially surprising given how much time is devoted to developing Laurie and her son, how fixated it becomes on the sexy shenanigans being setup by the four teens at its center. But we barely get to know who any of these people are before they are quickly, albeit awesomely, knifed out of the story. I wish I'd gotten to know everyone so I could at least feel something. I don't need backstories for everyone, but it would have been nice to get to know everyone a little more. Hell, we barely got any time with third-billed Michelle Williams!

Still, it is Jamie Lee's show, and in that respect it's damn respectable. 3.5/5 black cats for you.

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

Can I just mention the best part of this screening? While watching the end credits of this early 80s-stylized flick, my friend notices the special thanks to eBay. "Wait, eBay was around in the 80s?" he asks. So perfect was the execution, he thought we were watching a genuine shocker from thirty years ago. Writer-director Ti West and his entire production team can take a bow.

Actually, take a bow for the film as a whole. This slow burn is leagues away from the doldrums of Hell Night. Made for under a million dollars, House of the Devil has everything I could ever want from a horror flick. It's all very simple, following a college sophomore desperate for money who takes a mysterious babysitting job out in the middle of nowhere during a total lunar eclipse. Oh, and it's all preceded by a title card explaining the Satanism scare of the 1980s. Methinks this does not bode well. Man, all we see for the majority of the film is the girl in the house, watching TV, ordering pizza, listening to music, hearing mysterious noises, being watched from the window, unable to get anyone on the phone...

House of the Devil had all the potential to be a boring, pretentious mess of a film, and it just refuses to give in to that. We get to spend some time with Samantha before she even accepts the job -- turning in her paper, hanging with her best friend, trying not to "walk in on" her roommate. That is to say, Ti West and leading lady Jocelin Donahue allow us to identify with Samantha as an actual person, sans exposition, before abandoning her in that remote spookhouse. It makes the tension all the greater, because we -- take note, horror filmmakers -- have sympathy for the character!

And speaking of tension, good God! All those windows looking out in pitch blackness is unsettling, constantly gearing you up for some outdoor horror-show or shock! Eliot Rockett's cinematography makes eerie, wonderful use of long shadows and limited lighting.

Gah!

 We become so petrified of what we think is about to happen that the wide shots are the most claustrophobic! Jeff Grace's score is period-perfect, fitting well into the quietly disturbing milieu. And Tom Noonan's off-kilter kindness as the man who hires Samantha makes your skin crawl. Look no further, friends: when it comes to heart-racing, throat-closing, claustrophobia-inducing tension, The House of the Devil has it in spades.

Which makes the finale all the more disappointing. Stylistically and tonally, it doesn't fit with the rest of the film. Suddenly we're getting quick cuts, a cliched chase sequence, and an ending that is both obvious and illogical. If only that last scene hadn't happened at all! I'd have had the same caveats regarding editing and the chase sequence, but at least we would have gotten a shocking, unforgettable ending. Alas, such is not the case.

SPOILER ALERT The problem, of course, begins as soon as she escaped the Satanic altar. The scene is still slow and eerie, but once she starts fighting for her life, we are left with the typical movie villains who either attack one at a time or ignore their captor. We also see too much of the demon performing the ritual. Such choices after a methodically-executed 90 minutes are bizarre, too say the least. END SPOILERS

I cannot deny the overwhelming love I have for The House of the Devil as a whole, though. It showcases two promising talents -- the filmmaker and his star -- and while the ending is disappointing, it's not completely botched. 4.5/5 black cats to you.

Casting Coup Tuesday: Carrie

Remember in Cinema paradiso, how that kid's great mentor ran the local moviehouse and introduced him to cinema and kept all the kisses the Vatican made them cut out? I like to think Andrew was that mentor for me in college. He furthered my knowledge of film noir by introducing our class to Kiss Me Deadly, The Reckless Moment, One False Move and a whole semester of other under-seen classics. He encouraged my love of the bizarre and the campy through screenings of Myra Breckinridge, The Jezebels, and For Your height Only. He introduced me to martial arts films like Master of the Flying Guillotine and The Crippled Masters, my first forays into this little-respected genre. He really is the Mr. Miyagi to my Daniel-san.

Among the great things he did for me was add, at the very least, two films to my all-time favorites list. The first is Xanadu, which quickly rocketed up the ladder to get into my Top Ten of All Time (one day I'll list my top 100, but that's for a day when I see enough movies...maybe when I'm 25 or 30). The other is the subject of today's Casting Coup: Carrie, the 1976 film directed by Brian de Palma.

 Starring Edie McClurg as Helen, the unlikeliest of popular girls

I'm a lover of horror films. It's a genre that can always be tweaked and toyed with, so broad that any number of thrillers or dramas could also be considered horror, in one way or another. Many times, we get a horror film that is big on gore and blood and teens in peril, but not so big on characters and atmosphere and suspense. Carrie delivers on those fronts, but it's always a bit curious because, truthfully, there is no real "horror" until the film's famous climax: the prom. The fact that social outcast Carrie White is telekinetic seems like a bizarre throwaway device -- like Javier Bardem's ability to communicate with the dead in Biutiful -- for much of the film. Rather than get all spooky and weeeeeird about little ol' telekinesis, the film focuses on Carrie the Person, walking on eggshells whether at school with the mean girls or at home with her religious fanatic mother. Ok, the movie does have freaky telekinesis scenes sprinkled throughout, but they grow as Carrie grows...until public humiliation turns her into an unholy monster.

I loved Carrie from the first frame. I have the soundtrack, I quote it with friends, I bought the three-pack that also includes The Rage: Carrie 2 and the TV movie version with Patty Clarkson, and I watched Snake Island just because William Katt (nice guy Tommy Ross) was in it. Actually, I'm such a huge fan...I even adore the Broadway flop. Yes, I have a bootleg soundtrack -- there was never an official one -- and I play it constantly. It's terrible and amazing, and when those powers combine, Captain Planet can suck it.

In my re-casting of Carrie, I kept the musical in mind, and with the exceptions of Billy Nolan and Sue Snell, all the cast members have proven musical chops. As for Megan Fox's desire to lead the recently announced remake...honey, can't you just toss on a baseball cap and rock the Norma Watson?

All original cast images come from Aveleyman, a great source for screencaps and cast pics.

BILLY NOLAN

Who is He: Chris's boyfriend, a thug who helps plan Carrie's humiliation. Billy helps to "collect" the pig's blood.

Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (Saturday Night Fever, Pulp Fiction), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Actor (Pulp Fiction), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (Get Shorty), SAG Award Nominee for Best Actor (Pulp Fiction) and Best Ensemble (Get Shorty, Hairspray), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Hairspray)

John Travolta (Staying Alive, Old Dogs)

My Choice:

Alex Pettyfer (I Am Number Four, Beastly)

Pettyfer's not a bad actor, he's just more effective as a jerk. In Beastly, at least, and that's fine, that's a career. Look at Christopher McDonald! A role like this really allows an actor to loosen up, too, without any of the restraint of having to be likable.

TOMMY ROSS

Who is He: Sue's boyfriend, a track star and academic, an all-around nice guy. He takes Carrie to the prom on Sue's request, hoping to do a nice thing for a misunderstood girl. Then, of course, everything goes to hell.

Originally played by:

William Katt (House, Jawbreaker)

My Choice:

Chord Overstreet ("Glee", The Hole in 3D)
Unless something happens next season, Overstreet is the poster-boy of nice guy athletes on Glee. I'm always hoping those kids get more work outside the show, and he's great so far.


CHRIS HARGENSEN
Who is She: The resident mean girl, finally punished for making Carrie's life hell. After being banned from the prom, she makes a plan to get Carrie elected Prom Queen so she can exact her revenge.

Originally played by:

Nancy Allen (Dressed to Kill, RoboCop)

My Choice:

Selena Gomez (Ramona and Beezus, Monte Carlo)
One of the strongest Disney actresses, actually. While she's hinted at snottiness and being a "bad girl" before, I'd love to see her go all-out vicious. She's so cool.


SUE SNELL
Who is She: At first, she's teasing Carrie with the other girls. But since Sue is a pretty nice girl, she comes up with a plan to help her: persuade Tommy to take her to the prom. Sue also happens to be neighbors with Carrie, so she knows what kind of family the girl comes from.

Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Yentl), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Crossing Delancey), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Traffic)

Amy Irving (Tuck Everlasting, Adam)

My Choice: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World)

Ellen Wong ("Combat Hospital")
Her turn in Scott Pilgrim was impressive; now we need to see more of her. Sue is a very different person from Knives Chau, but I feel like we saw a bit of Sue in Wong's final scene.


COACH DESJARDIN
Who is She: Girls' coach...obviously. She tries to educate Carrie and make her feel more comfortable with herself. Coach is even suspicious of Sue and Tommy's plan, not wanting the little outcast to get hurt.

Originally played by:

Betty Buckley (Tender Mercies, Another Woman)

My Choice: Academy Award Nominee/Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress [Musical/Comedy] (What's Love Got to with It?)

Angela Bassett (Waiting to Exhale, Meet the Browns)
I immediately felt that she was the perfect woman for this role. First, I'd listen to her no matter what position she held at the school: she's so authoritative! Second, those arms. Of course she's an athletics director.


MARGARET WHITE
Who is She: Carrie's religious single mother. And I mean crazy religious, to a point that Jesus would find excessive. She sees Carrie's period not as, you know, normal, but as a sign that the girl is as cursed as she once was. Because after the blood come the boys, sniffing around.

Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actress (The Hustler) and Best Supporting Actress (Carrie, Children of a Lesser God), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Foreign Actress (The Hustler), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Carrie)

Piper Laurie (The Faculty, Another Harvest Moon)

My Choice: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress, SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress and Best Ensemble (Good Will Hunting)

Minnie Driver (The Phantom of the Opera, Barney's Version)
I had my Carrie settled, so then I just needed a great actress who looked like she could have birthed my Carrie. I surprised myself by settling on Minnie Driver, but damn it feels so right. She's such an underappreciated actress, and I feel like she could bring the crazy without being unbelievable. I mean, Piper's shoes are tough to fill, but Minnie's up to the challenge.


CARRIE WHITE
Who is She: Our telekinetic heroine, a social outcast whose powers actually give her some confidence, up until the pig's blood fall son her.

Originally played by: Academy Award Winner for Best Actress (Coal Miner's Daughter), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Actress (Coal Miner's Daughter, Missing, In the Bedroom), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Coal Miner's Daughter, Crimes of the Heart) and Drama (In the Bedroom), Indie Spirit Winner for Best Actress (In the Bedroom), SAG Award Nominee for Best Actress and Best Ensemble (In the Bedroom)

Sissy Spacek (The Straight Story, The Help)

My Choice:

Emily Browning (Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Sleeping Beauty)
 Because she has that odd kind of beauty that can be believably plained up (like The Uninvited with Elizabeth Banks). She's a neat actress, too, one who plays confidence and distinct lack thereof with equal ease. Look at her in Sucker Punch, ably playing the innocent until it's time to take action. I would love to see her play Carrie.

It's Reader's Choice...

Thirty days hath September, and its days are numbered, meaning we're only a little more than a week away from the second best time of the year. Of course, I'm talking about the month of October, or as its known at my place (and coincidentally, at Final Girl)...

SHOCKTOBERFEST!!!

Yes, it's 31 days of horror movies, sometimes two or three a day, as hosted by my roommate/best friend and myself. We've been keeping it going since Freshman year of college, making this the Fifth Annual and our first in Los Angeles. The beautiful thing is that our daily horror intake won't just be relegated to Netflix and our own collections; this city has the market cornered on revival houses and specialty theaters, and you better believe they've got some thrills in store for us! Then, of course, there are new releases like The Skin I Live In and the "prequel" to The Thing starring the beautiful Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

And, naturally, it means four new Casting Coups. And this time, friends, I'm involving you. Ya see, I know what three of my subjects will be, and I've got the posts ready to go: Carrie, The Exorcist and Dracula (from the 1931 film, not the novel or other versions). But while searching for a fourth to do, I figured I'll keep it interesting.

I'm going to watch a movie I've never seen before, review it, and cast it. What's more...I'll let you decide what it's going to be! From now until September 30, you have the opportunity to decide a Shocktoberfest film and a Casting Coup Tuesdays entry. You are the decider! And because I love keeping y'all in suspense, I'll make it the last coup on the month, October 25th.

Let your voice be heard and the blood be shed:

poll by twiigs.com

Casting Coup Tuesdays: The Swarm (a DISASTERPIECE)

I love The Swarm. I wish I owned it so I could watch it all the time always, maybe skip around to my favorite moments (but what isn't my favorite moment here?), watch the made-for-TV companion doc where they claim The Swarm is a warning. That would be awesome. As it is, I don't own it, so I have to make do with Netflix Instant Watch, and that's...that's just fine. Because no matter what, I get to bask in the glorious awful that is...The Swarm.

How does one describe it? Opening with a bunch of military men marching into a small military base, they find an alarm sounding off, a civilian van outside, and every uniformed man dead. The civilian is entomologist Brad Crane, and he is there to stop the killers of those men: African Killer Bees, brought to Texas by...storms, I guess? And anger? Anyway, Dr. Crane has been warning of the inevitable African Killer Bee invasion for years, and now his warnings have come true! Meanwhile, the small town of Marysville is preparing for their annual Flower Festival, which apparently attracts thousands of people from all over, what with Marysville's varied floral beauties. Of course, bees and flowers mix like chocolate and ice cream, so it's a natural target for the villains of the piece. Plus, they're right next to the military complex! It's only a matter of time!

There's so much to love here, from the awful effects to Jerry Goldsmith's genuinely awesome score to those performances. Oh, those performances! Thrill as Michael Caine SHOUTS. EVERY LINE.  Marvel at Richard Widmark's boredom. Wonder what the hell Katharine Ross is doing here -- the character does nothing, and Ross sees no reason to give her purpose. Olivia de Havilland and Henry Fonda are the major standouts by sheer virtue of the fact that they give surprisingly sincere, honest, real, GREAT performances. How classy was old Hollywood? So classy they could get into The Swarm and still deliver the hell out of it.

I'm always confused by the climax of the film. I dare not spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it, but if you don't care about such things -- or have already seen it -- join me in this thought, will you?: an oil slick? After two and a half hours of preaching about the dangers pesticides have on the environment, the great solution is to cover the Gulf of Mexico with an oil slick and set it on fire? Did BP sponsor Dr. Crane's research? It's absurd.

The Swarm is already tapped for a remake, somehow. Can one improve on the audacity, the self-seriousness, the insanity of the original? I doubt it, but God bless 'em for trying. Perhaps they'd consider some of my suggestions?

DEATHS: 10

ROMANCES: oh my God...all out of nowhere...I'm gonna say 3, but one of those is a love triangle

Casting Coup Tuesdays: Earthquake (a DISASTERPIECE)

Released the same year as The Towering Inferno, Earthquake is perhaps one of the most surprising entries in the DISASTERPIECE canon. Instead of focusing on a trapped handful, it's a sprawling ensemble. The star wattage isn't as bright as films like Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure. And the cinematography is just...it's just flat and ugly. And the ingenue has this big-ass afro that proudly announces, "Here I am! I am...THE 70s!"

Yet it all somehow works. Credit the strong screenplay by George Fox and Mario Puzo, who actually create engaging characters with real relationships. Or credit director Mark Robson, who gets far better performances from his actors than some of their characters warrant. Actually, credit that ensemble, giving their all without going over the top (except for Ava Gardner, gob-smackingly cast as Lorne Greene's daughter!!!). Ooh, or credit the editor, Dorothy Spencer, who keeps the film moving at an exciting pace without losing any sense of what's happening to whom -- and all at two hours! Maybe we should also commend John Williams, who has a good, sexy time with the score.

My point being, of course, that Earthquake is a fine film. So why even bring up a new cast for a remake? Because: (1) earthquakes in Los Angeles are always great fodder for drama; and (2) the original is SO 1974 -- remember Victoria Principal's afro? But most of all, it's (3) come on, that's not LA. Maybe it's just the specific areas of town they happened to be in, but the LA I've been in for two months is far more diverse than a single Richard Roundtree. I think my cast is more representative, however relative that may be. And I'm pulling Oscar winners, television personalities, and hot young stars into it. It's the old and the new.

So let's shake things up (yuk, yuk)! Let the title lead the way....

DEATH TOLL: 4 (leads only)

ROMANCES: 1 (leads only)

Casting Coup Tuesday: The Towering Inferno (a DISASTERPIECE)

It's Disaster Film Month. If you want to watch alongside the Silver Screener, check out A Crack in the World on Netflix Instant tonight. Dana Andrews, Janette Scott and Alexander Knox. But for now...
 
We begin our special Disasterpiece Theatre edition of Casting Coup Tuesday with The Towering Inferno.

As the regulars know, I am not a huge fan of the film, which is disappointing since it's the most famous and awarded of a subgenre I adore. I see nothing wrong with a two-and-a-half-hour ensemble disaster flick (Independence Day clocks in at 2h33min and is masterful), nor do I have a problem with a disaster flick that takes itself seriously (it's how camp classics like The Swarm are born). No, the biggest crimes of The Towering Inferno are a lack of focus and a dull pace. Lead characters are poorly developed or quickly pushed aside, motivations are muddled, relationships are obscured, the editing is working against the thrills of the plot, etc.

The greatest shame is that The Towering Inferno should be amazing. The cast assembled is incredible, with most of the performances delivering. Steve McQueen, Richard Chamberlain and William Holden are best in show, along with surprising, brief turns from Sheila Allen and Susan Flannery. John Williams' score is better with repeated listenings, even if it doesn't measure up to Earthquake. I don't even hate that it's obviously two different books thrown together -- the buoy escape seems so dangerous that there has to be a backup plan, and even though keeping million-gallon water tanks on top of the roof seems...bizarre...I can totally accept that. Because it's outrageous. And that's the problem with The Towering Inferno: it gives you this outrageous situation and treats it with all the sobriety of Munich.

Which is why it needs a kick-ass remake. And isn't it fun to think about who can fill the shoes of the original actors? Click on the title below to continue....

DEATH TOLL: 5 (leads only)

ROMANCES: 4 (leads only)

MASTER OF DISASTER!!!

Earlier today, Tom asked what cinematic year we were going to look at next. Since it came down to it and 1964, I figured the next year should be 1957...but that's a long way off. October is Shocktoberfest, meaning my annual month-long horror movie marathon (not always covered here, but always on Twitter) will take over my life. December is my Holiday Extravaganza, and let's forget the Oscar coverage that goes on from December 14 (SAG Award Noms!) all the way through February 27 (the day after the Oscars!). When will we do 1957? I don't know. Why not now? some of you may ask.

Let me set it up for you.

Apparently, I am the only one of my friends who absolutely, positively cannot wait for Contagion, a disaster epic from director Steven Soderbergh and writer Scott Z. Burns about the spread of a deadly virus. It has the two ingredients for an Irwin Allen-esque masterpiece: (1) a disaster, whether natural or man-made, that is far-reaching in its power to kill; and (2) a large ensemble of famous actors and movie stars (there's a difference). Look at that roster of talent: Academy Award Winners Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard and Kate Winslet; Academy Award Nominees Laurence Fishburne, John Hawkes, Jude Law and Elliott Gould; television stars Bryan Cranston and Sanaa Lathan; prestige actress Jennifer Ehle; German character actor Armin Rohde; and comedian (!!) Demetri Martin. And we're talking about a deadly virus on a global scale! How can two of my friends treat this with a lack of excitement, while another -- who's seen it -- claims disappointment?

Ok, so I should probably temper that excitement. After all, if one's this excited, the film can only fail to meet expectations. Still, the impending release got me to thinking about disaster films in general, and how much I love them. A testament to the imagination of filmmakers, ego of stars, recklessness of producers and easy satisfaction of audiences, Disasterpieces are Hollywood at its most MOST. Bloated runtimes, multiple subplots, self-important messages, and (generally) a special effects budget that could have fed America for the rest of time. Quality varies, of course, as some are made to capitalize on the success of others, but the genre is always good for a few surprising gems. Earthquake is a surprisingly strong drama; The Swarm and Day of the Animals are campy fun; On the Beach and Fail-Safe are more meditative, and therefore more chilling than the usual fare. But dammit, they're all entertaining.

(Even The Towering Inferno, a bloated, dull affair which somehow managed eight Oscar nominations and three wins, has William Holden in that awesome dinner jacket and those sophisticated thick-frame spectacles. And the art direction is superb. And the slow-mo people-on-fire sequences. There's lots to love about The Towering Inferno, even if it's clearly not as good as it could have been.)

So, let us get back to the point. That is, why 1957 coverage can't be done in September. I'm sure you already know where this is going.....

...because September is DISASTERPIECE '11 MONTH!!!

As I write this, my roommate and I are going through titles on Netflix and in our DVD collections to see which Disasterpieces we'd most love to highlight. I'll mention all of them on Twitter, maybe write up a few here on the Blog, but I do hope you'll all join in the fun. And, of course, what would a theme month here at the Silver Screening Room be without...
CASTING COUP TUESDAYS!!!

We've got four Tuesdays in September, so that's four Disasterpieces to recast. And I think it's obvious what those four need to be:

September 6: The Towering Inferno

September 13: Earthquake

September 20: The Poseidon Adventure

September 27: The Swarm 

Yes, I know, we already had Poseidon in 2006, but I didn't see it, so I'm not beholden to it! Anyway, stick around, because DISASTERPIECE '11 is going to be SO FREEKIN' AWESOME!