Best Actress, 2003

I will never forget that photo of Charlize Theron in full Aileen Wuornos drag, clad in a prison jumpsuit with hands clasped while awaiting mercy in a courtroom. It's the picture everyone used to say "this is our next Oscar winner", the picture everyone chose to say "gorgeous women can only win Oscars win they de-glam!" Hell, in 2006, the Academy Awards itself made a joke by saying Charlize Theron was once more "ugging it up" for North Country. If you read "We Predict the Winners" articles from the era, everyone tries to build suspense by saying it's a narrow race between Theron and Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give...and everyone predicts Charlize Theron. I was three days from turning 15 and even I knew who'd win:

Who should have won? The performances ranked, by me, from 5th to 1st:

As Long As Kate Hudson Stays Away...

So, Sony Pictures Classics has acquired US distribution rights for Woody Allen's just-completed You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger, slated for release this fall. The cast includes Antonio Banderas, Naomi Watts, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Brolin, Freida Pinto and Lucy Punch. That's cool and all.

Meanwhile, however, casting has begun on his next project, and hoo-boy, what a cast.

Owen Wilson? In a Woody Allen film? This is a pairing I never would have seen coming, but God knows I'm interested. I rarely see Wilson in a movie and think, "Meh." He's a talented actor with great comic instincts, but The Royal Tenenbaums had me itching to see him in a great drama. His layering of Eli Cash was subtle and intriguing.

Marion Cotillard? Well, that makes sense. Allen seems to making his way through the Nine cast -- Lucy Punch, after all, replaced Nicole Kidman. Hopefully this means we'll soon see neurotic versions of Judi Dench and Fergie. To see the beautiful Cotillard in a movie from my favorite living director would be a dream come true.

Rachel McAdams? How did she not get into one earlier? What could this movie be about, that it has two sexy screen sirens like McAdams and Cotillard? What roles would re-team the co-stars of Wedding Crashers? You have me intrigued!

Also, there's the rumor that pop star/first lady of France Carla Bruni will be in the movie as well. She also appears in You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, so it's possible.

Filming will take place in Paris, where Woody's wanted to make a movie for years.

Across the Pond, and Holy Crap

It seems strange to think that Whatever Works is a stand-out for Woody Allen due to its use of New York as the setting (remember Manhattan?). Hell, I was sure he would stay in New York for at least another one. This is, alas, not to be, and the Woodster is returning to London for his latest, tentatively titled, "Untitled Woody Allen London Project". Catchy.

But wait wait wait. What is this? One of the kick-assiest casts ever has been lined up? Do tell!

Casting couch, indeed

Remember Hot Blonde ScarJo? Well, this time around, Woody's gotten Incredibly Beautiful and Super Talented Blonde, Academy Award Nominee Naomi Watts. I haven't been this happy about an Allen casting since Patty Clarkson's back-to-back awesomeness. I know, I know -- Whatever Works isn't out yet, but I have faith! Anyway, Naomi Watts is in a Woody Allen movie and holy shit that rocks.

Lordy, I'm gettin' the vapors!

Academy Award Nominee Josh Brolin returns for another Woody go-round! Yes, he previously had a small role in Melinda and Melinda, an experiment that I remember not being fond of. Between you, me, and the fly on the wall, I find it bizarre that out of everyone in that movie, it's Brolin who Allen gets back. I mean, we're talking about a cast that included Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Arija Bareikis. But hey, I'm a Brolin fan, so this is pretty cool.

Really?

Freida Pinto. Her first movie won Best Picture, and her second movie is by Woody Allen. Does he just watch the Oscars in search of hot young babes to cast? Penelope Cruz, Freida Pinto, Patricia Clarkson...

Please tell me he's the neurotic...

Antonio Banderas?!? Does this mean he might have a career again? Outside of Shrek? I certainly hope so. This is certainly turning out to be Woody's sexiest cast since...well, since Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which featured Latin lover Javier Bardem. Huh. Is this going to be a continuing trend?

Just as confused as I am.

Oscar Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. The mind boggles.

For your consideration

Ok, I've read nothing that would even suggest that Patricia Clarkson is in this one, too. But I would absolutely LOVE it if she was. Please, God, if she finally gets an Oscar, let it be for Woody Allen!