1940: The Last of the First Week

Wrapping things up for the week with five summertime films from 1940:

Stave Four: In Which We Meditate on Mistletoe

DAY FOUR OF HOLLMANN HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA

What's the one thing young, attractive people and older, extremely sad people do every year, without exception, at Christmas?

Try to desperately to get a kiss under the mistletoe.

But which is the desperate one?

It's the truth. You can try to chuckle and play it off like you know it's lame, but everyone wants a kiss under the mistletoe. For one thing, we can get some action without being creepy. I mean, hey, it's just a holiday tradition, nothing more. For another...well, no, I'm sure that's the main reason. And yeah, people try to be hokey about it. "Oh-ho, the mistletoe," people exclaim in odd voices, as though it's a tradition they're only honoring as a goof. But you like it. Admit it.

It seems odd, of course, that this tradition exists. Indeed, many times it seems as though the only thing keeping it alive is desperation and drunken Christmas parties. Think about it: what's so romantic about a plant whose berries would cause diarrhea if devoured? Some claim that its origins date back to Norse myhtology.

So there's this god Baldr, right? He's all about beauty and love and being happy and just, like, positive vibes, man. Ah, but Baldr and his mother, Frigga, keep having fucked up dreams about him dying, so Frigga forces all the objects of the world to never harm him. The only thing she does not force into this deal is Mistletoe, because it's too small and insignificant to do anything.

Loki learns this, and because he is the mischief-maker, he makes mischief out of this. He makes a spear out of mistletoe and gives it to Baldr's blind brother. The gods hurl stuff at Baldr for shits and gigs (don't we all have a friend like that?), and Baldr's blind brother throws the spear. It kills Baldr, Odin's son kills the blind one, Thor kicks a dwarf into the funeral pyre, and snake venom drips onto Loki's face after he is tethered to rocks.

Aw, crap.

Winter falls upon the all the lands, until the gods bring Baldr back to life. Frigga enchants the mistletoe, making it a sacred plant that would now bring love instead of death. They're opposites, you know. When we kiss under the mistletoe, it is a celebration of the resurrection of Baldr, a testament t mistletoe never harming another living soul, ever. Except, you know, for the diarrhea.

Today, it is best-known as the clue that tips off Selena Kyle and Bruce Wayne to each other's true identities in Batman Returns. For some reason, they like to recite an odd little rhyme about how "Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it/But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean it." Okay, so it doesn't really rhyme, but it feels like that's what they were going for. They make this discovery at the Christmas party held by department store owner Max Schreck, which is soon crashed by a vengeful Penguin. Christmas.

Oh, and here's something cool. Mistletoe can probe beneath tree bark so that it can suck up nutrients and water during a drought. Because of this, it is called...the vampire plant.

Not to be confused with the vampire fruit.

There's a very good reason
Why the holiday season
Is a wonderful time
For a boy and girl to fall in love

'Cause Santa and Cupid
Planned exactly what you did
When you kissed me by the mistletoe above

We stood there kissin' by the mistletoe
Tingle, tingle (tingle, tingle)
Mmm and away we go
Jingle, jingle
Kissin' by the mistletoe, love came to stay
And now it's Christmas every day

There's a heavenly treasure
More than money can measure
In the gift you get when you give your love
And I can tell
(kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss)

'Cause whenever it's Christmas
If I never get this much
He ran my heart I remember very well

We stood there kissin' by the mistletoe
Tingle, tingle (tingle, tingle)
Mmm and away we go
Jingle, jingle
Kissin' by the mistletoe, love came to stay
And now it's Christmas every day

I said now it's Christmas every day
Oh yeah
And now it's Christmas every day

What is This?

I...I don't quite know what to make of New Moon.

It's a more formalistic style of filmmaking than its predecessor, Twilight. Chris Weitz just does not possess the stylized WTF talent of Catherine Hardwicke. And I say thank God for that, because I could actually concentrate on the storyline, the acting and the dialogue. Also, God damn him for that, because I could actually concentrate on the storyline, the acting and the dialogue.

If the right director takes Taylor Lautner under his/her wing, this kid's got a bright career ahead of him. He has more personality than the majority of this ensemble and has a better chemistry with Kristen Stewart. The kid's charming. He's got presence. He's not a bad actor, either; he just needs someone to make sure he doesn't develop a bag of tricks. Stewart was a promising actress, too, but she's got a bag of tricks that she leans on too easily. The girl's beginning to deliver all of her "dramatic" dialogue like a third-rate Shatner impersonator. It's embarrassing.

I hope Robert Pattinson goes away.

Michael Sheen really does steal the show. He seems to be the only one -- well, besides Anna Kendrick and Billy Burke -- who is fully aware of the movie he's in. So what if he plays it as a tribute to Joel Grey's Cabaret Emcee? It's a brilliant choice, and it works.

The best thing about these movie's is still the soundtrack. Alexandre Desplat's score is better than it should be, and the songs are pretty cool. I'd buy the soundtrack. Totally.

I don't understand anybody who is on Team Edward. I swear. It's like wanting to be Sid and Nancy.

This is a very terrible movie. So very, very terrible. Yet it haunts me, and I find myself unable to sleep. Like a screaming teenager going through undead boyfriend withdrawal.