So, the new Marmaduke trailer went online.
What is this? No, seriously, what the fuck is this?
This isn't a movie. I've seen movies. I've seen good movies, bad movies, mediocre movies. I've seen awful trailers for awful-looking films, and I've seen awful trailers for truly great movies, but what is this? I thought the Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailers were an all-time low, but dear fucking God almighty, what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK?!?
If you didn't watch the above trailer, try this: go to the kitchen. Get whatever liquid cleaner you keep under the sink. Now swallow it. That's right, swallow the whole thing. Now smother your pets as you wait for death's sweet embrace to finally take you. Also, make sure this all happens after you douse the house in gasoline and light a candle, knowing full well the fumes will eventually make their way up to that flickering flame. It's about the same feeling you get after watching that trailer.