Welcome, Boys and Ghouls....

SHOCKTOBERFEST IS UPON US!

I started the festivities early last night with Hotel Transylvania, a flick that throws all the famous monsters together for a lavish party...a mad monster party, if you will.

HA! MADNESS!

 
In this case, it's the 118th birthday of Dracula's daughter Mavis. All's well and good until a human happens on the festivities, falling in love with the beautiful birthday girl while Dracula, proprietor of the titular hotel, tries to keep the others from finding out about the surprise guest. The all-star voice cast features Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg, Fran Drescher and Steve Buscemi (to name just a few), and the script provides the expected monster jokes, including their alternate versions of our human ways -- for instance, instead of "Do Not Disturb" signs, shrunken heads yell the words and order maid service. It's all quite clever!

Unfortunately, making those mad monster jokes is all the clever we can muster, and takes up a large part of the running time. Maybe the kids will love it in the theater -- although if the kids sitting near me were any indication, maybe not -- but they won't remember this film down the road. The stuff with Mavis works. We get the lesson about letting go and following your own path and loving who you love no matter who they are, and Adam Sandler and Selena Gomez do some admirable voice work. Also, it's the only time the film slows down from its breakneck pace. Otherwise, it's JOKE JOKE JOKE SETPIECE JOKE JOKE JOKE AHHH MONSTERS AHH HUMAN IT'S SO DIFFERENT IN THIS WORLD RIGHT RIGHT HUH? HUH? I mean, look, a lot of those quick gags were funny, but after a while it becomes clear that they're filler for a movie that just isn't there.

Obviously, I was reminded of the Rankin-Bass Mad Monster Party, and not just because of the general plot.

HA! MADNESS!

 
No, I was reminded because that, too, was a concept in search of a story. Characters didn't break out into song so much as they stumbled upon dirges, randomly dropped into the tale to lengthen what must have been a ten-minute story into a full hour. Hotel Transylvania is much the same way, only it doesn't give us any time at all to watch what's happening. Where Mad Monster Party lingers too long, Hotel Transylvania skips ahead before it's time. I laughed out loud, certainly, but it was equal parts compliment and incredulity.

The voice-work was great, though! And as a sidenote, I appreciated that they cast Fran Drescher as the Bride of Frankenstein, following Mad Monster Party's footsteps in giving the role to a beloved comedienne with a distinctive voice. Of course, Phyllis Diller had better lines (for whatever that's worth), but Fran!

Before we sign off for the day, a few things.

First: You have spoken, and the results are in. And it should be no surprise: last year, this film came in second place to Rosemary's Baby, and no one at all voted for Don't Look Now or The Changeling. This year, everyone got at least one vote, but it was clear from the beginning: Poltergeist it is! Sorry, Friday the 13th, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Second: My best friend and I came up with the name Shocktoberfest in college....only to find out later that such term was already adopted by Stacie Ponder of Final Girl. So while you're celebrating Shocktoberfest with us, make sure you hit up her party, too! She's one of the best film writers out there, passionate and hilarious, with an appreciation of Charles Nelson Reilly.

Third: Remember to tune in tomorrow for the return of Casting Coup Tuesdays with Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte.

Play us out, Phyllis.

Casting Coup Tuesday: Miss Lonelyhearts

When my grandfather gave me The Day of the Locust to read two summers ago, my friend Gemma became quite excited. She had read the Nathanael West novella in high school -- indeed, I watched her read it during lunch! I myself didn't really remember this, but then she mentioned that it was in a book that contained both this work and its predecessor: Miss Lonelyhearts. Well, that one I remembered, and this may be because I don't read past the top of the page sometimes. But now that she started me on that track, I knew that before the year was out, I would find and read Miss Lonelyhearts on my own. Fortunately, the film school has a library, and I checked out the slim paperback upon my return to school.

West was not the most optimistic of writers. I've heard Miss Lonelyhearts described as dark comedy. Dark indeed, but if there is comedy to be found in this assemblage of grotesques, you'd need someone with a keener ear for it than me. The title character is an otherwise-unnamed young man who writes this advice column for the lovelorn and hopeless. He, himself, is hopeless, who feels unworthy of the somewhat Messianic role he feels he's been given. Like The Day of the Locust, it's a series of depressing events illustrating the moral decay and utter hopelessness of the world, a cynical treatise against humanity. Don't it sound exciting?

Still, it's been quite a popular work. Juilliard put on an operatic version of it some years ago, and was previously adapted for the stage. Then, of course, there's the somewhat popular film version, titled simply Lonelyhearts. Made in 1958, the film is the most high-profile adaptation of the novel, probably due to its place in Cinema History. Ya see, it happened to be the cinematic debut of one Maureen Stapleton, who, as Fay Doyle, was nominated for both the Golden Globe and Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. She lost to Wendy Hiller's performance in Separate Tables, but Stapleton became a familiar face on the Oscar circuit, with another two nominations and an eventual win, all in the same category.

That's all well and good, but this is my version. Were I to make Miss Lonelyhearts a film...well, it would be a hard sell, methinks, since it's so effing depressing. Not a lot of mass appeal, except for fans of the novel or of my chosen actors. Do tell me, what category would you fall into? Would you go because of your appreciation for this landmark piece of literature? Or would it be for this cast?:

MARY SHRIKE

Who is She: Wife of M.L.'s editor. Mary is a virginal woman who frequently cheats on her husband with other men, but never allowing them to do more than kiss her. Not because of her marriage, but because she's keeping her virginity. Mary and M.L. have an ongoing affair.

My Choice:

Fran Drescher (Ragtime, Cadillac Man)

I've always had great admiration for Fran's acting. She's played the want for a better life before, albeit in comedy, but talent is talent. Certainly, if someone is going to play an object of men's desires, it should be a sexy piece like Fran.

PETER DOYLE

Who is He: A gasman, Doyle is a weakling who shares a rare connection with M.L. Himself a letter-writer to the advice column, Doyle suffers from a crippled foot and a dominant wife. Bullied by her, he believes M.L. has attempted to rape her, despite the spiritual and physical connection the men have already made. It is at his home that the consequences of M.L.'s career are fully realized.

My Choice:

Tom Kenny (Shakes the Clown, The Spongebob Squarepants Movie)

Well, I like him, and he's a lean guy -- Doyle needs to be thin. His voice-work lets us know that he can do absurd, he can do sad, he can do it all.

FAY DOYLE

Who is She: Doyle's wife, a beauty in her day, now a bitter woman in a loveless marriage. She married for convenience, and abuses her husband daily. She drinks, she whines, she writes to Miss Lonelyhearts. Fay writes to M.L. and later seduces him, but tells her husband he raped her. When she realizes the two men have a connection, she calls them "fairies", then sends her hubby out so she can seduce M.L. once more. Classy broad.

My Choice:

 Marissa Jaret Winokur (Never Been Kissed, American Beauty)

 This voluptuous actress is best-known for her Tony-nominated work in the Broadway musical Hairspray. But hell, I loved the TV movie Beautiful Girl, co-starring Fran Drescher. It's a pretty fun, OTT role sometimes, though with sadness and bitterness, and I think she'd have a good time with it.

BETTY

Who is She: The optimistic virgin who loves Miss Lonelyhearts, she tries to get him to forget about the troubles of the world by whisking him off to the country, her own paradise. She turns down his marriage proposal before the novel begins.

My Choice: Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Actress (All the Real Girls)

Zooey Deschanel ((500) Days of Summer, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)
The latter title is what makes me convinced for her in this role. There is a simple kindness in her portrayal of Dorothy Evans, the last person to befriend Robert Ford. Deschanel has, I think, a natural sweetness, and the character of Betty needs that.


WILLIAM SHRIKE
Who is He: M.L.'s editor. A loudmouthed cynic, Shrike constantly mocks M.L.'s column and religious fascination. It is he who first associates the advice column's readers with Christ's disciples. He allows his wife to carry on affairs because it saves him money.

My Choice:

Wallace Shawn (Manhattan, Toy Story 3)
Shawn's pretty good in loudmouthed roles, like Vizzini in The Princess Bride or...I don't know, his TV work. He's great at despicable is what I'm saying. And he plays great opposite Fran Drescher, having guest-starred on "The Nanny". I swear, it's just coincidence that she's co-starred with everyone.


MISS LONELYHEARTS
Who is He: The depressed advice columnist. He becomes disillusioned with the world by the letters he receives and the people around him. Despite his pursuit of guidance from Christ, he finds himself unable to live according to His ways. M.L. leads Betty along, goes for trysts with Mary and Fay, and beats a harmless old man at a bar. He feels the weight of the world on his shoulders, and much of his journey parallels Christ's own.

My Choice: Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Actor (Soldier's Girl)

Lee Pace (Infamous, "Pushing Daisies")
He has the looks of a man weighed down by the world around him. Think of him in The Fall -- that's the kind of performance you want for this, and obviously he can give it.

The SMACKDOWN Arriveth

I still don’t know if I should have given Shelley Winters the edge over Juanita Moore. Maybe it would have been more honest to keep them at a tie. But if I did, does that give Juanita five stars or Shelley four?

I had a lot of fun doing this first smackdown. Two limited roles, two Mommas, two sets of great gams, two ladies from Imitation of Life. They liked having it a certain way, I guess. And it’s hard for me to believe these came out at the same time as Ben-Hur. I mean, Pillow Talk? Competing at the Oscars? With Ben-Hur? So strange.

Now, if this whole category was a Casting Coup, subject….


Fran Drescher as Petronella Van Daan
She actually does quite well in drama. Her voice and mannerisms would help with the annoying aspects of the performance. She is also still attractive, so that we can hear remembering the boys and know what she’s talking about.


Loretta Devine as Annie Johnson
I love Loretta. There is a sweetness to her that I think few other actresses of her caliber have. She can play the good-natured Annie good-naturedly, but you bet that she would also pack a wallop in that final scene with Sarah Jane.


Sarah Parish as Elspeth
She can sing, she can do cockney, she can play subtle drama. And it would be a hell of a cameo.


Lily Tomlin as Alma
can certainly toss out a line like nobody’s business, and there is this harder edge to her that would serve the character well. But I also think she would remember to keep it interesting and within the screwball comedy dynamic.

??? as Sarah Jane Johnson
I ain’t even touching that one.

For more awesomeness, trip on over to StinkyLulu's blog.

Casting Coup: The Day of the Locust

Summer vacation has begun for me and most of my fellow college students. This means more time to lolligag, less things to do (everything around here closes at 11), summer jobs, and summer reading. Of course, I don't actually have any assignments from the school, but my grandfather insisted I give some books of his choice a try.

He started me off with The Day of the Locust by Nathaneal West.

It's a Hollywood tale, and we know how much I love those! But it's also about inhumanity and anger, with Los Angeles becoming a place where people come to die. The characters scoot around in claustrophobic boredom, drinking and holding cock-fights. But nothing will deter the time of violence, the hour of brutality, the day...of the locust!

Duhn-duhn-DUUUUHHHHHNNNNN!

MRS. SCHWARTZEN
Who is She: A guest at one of the Hollywood parties who adores talking of smutty things. When intruding on a conversation some of the men are having, she is shocked and disappointed to find that they are talking shop, not sex. An outrageous, outlandish female.

My Choice: And who better to play an outrageous, outlandish female than....


Molly Shannon (Wet Hot American Summer, Osmosis Jones)


CALVIN
Who is He: One of the cowboys, he sits in front of the saddle store and pokes fun at Earle. And...that's about it.

My Choice: We haven't seen him play too many bright boys lately, but apparently he can do it.


Garrett Dillahunt (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, No Country for Old Men)


MARY DOVE
Who is She: A high-priced call girl who also happens to be a friend of Faye's.

My Choice: Why has no one played up the unconventional hotness yet?


Lizzy Caplan (Cloverfield, Mean Girls)


MS. JOSEPH
Who is She: The landlady at the Bernadine Hotel, she arranges for funerals and guilt-trips.

My Choice: She excels in these parts.


Margo Martindale (The Riches, that yogurt commercial where she plays a laundress)


MRS. AUDREY JENNING
Who is She: A former screen siren who lost her job with the talkies, she is now the Madam for the most expensive call girls in California. Catering only to the rich and privileged, she makes the deals in her mansion, though it is never used as a rendezvous spot. She also screens pornographic films there.

My Choice: A beauty with a voice the talkies wouldn't allow?


Fran Drescher (Life with Fran, The Nanny)


ABE KOSICH
Who is He: A hot-tempered dwarf, he acts as a bookie for anything and everything--horses, chickens, you name it. He drinks too much, though, and is subject to mood swings. Occasionally, he uses his head as a battering ram. It's funny.

My Choice: Oh, the dwarf pool is so small in Hollywood. Get it?


Jordan Prentice (In Bruges, Howard the Duck)


CLAUDE ESTEE
Who is He: A successful screenwriter, he has an odd sense of humor--such as the surprise at the bottom of his pool. He befriends Tod and takes part in the cock-fight, but knows enough to get out when he can.

My Choice:


Toby Jones (Ever After, The Mist)


MIGUEL
Who is He: A Mexican friend of Earle's. He doesn't speak much, but he does have tequila. He dances and sings, seduces women, trains roosters, holds cock-fights. He's a fun-and-games man.

My Choice: I'm thinking someone bad-ass.


Freddy Rodriguez (Bobby, Grindhouse)


EARLE
Who is He: A self-proclaimed cowboy, he limits his western ways to standing by mysteriously and sitting in front of the saddle store. Goes out to dinner broke, so someone else has to pick up the tab. A wee bit of a temper: thrice does he strike out at people, twice over a girl.

My Choice: God, I would love to see him parody the brooding.


Christian Bale (I...seriously? You know him)


HOMER SIMPSON
Who is He: Yes, that's his name. A quiet man who tries to remain celibate, he winds up living with Faye after falling for her. But no sex. You always got to be careful of those quiet types, and he's no exception.

My Choice: Good-looking enough to please Faye, yet awkward enough to be Homer.


Peter Sarsgaard (Jarhead, Rendition)


HARRY GREENER
Who is He: Father to Faye. A former vaudevillian, he can never break the habit of performing. Meets Homer while selling polish. A sickly man, he spends much of the book laid up in bed, reminiscing on old times.

My Choice: Established actor who can clown around.


Academy Award Winner Dustin Hoffman (Kramer vs. Kramer, Rain Man)


FAYE GREENER
Who is She: A beautiful blonde, she wants to break into show business. Trouble is, she's no good. Like her father, she is always putting on a performance, so it's hard to tell when she's being honest or not. Uses her looks to get what she wants.

My Choice: The only one I can think of for this role: beautiful, yet gritty. And a finer actress than given credit for.


Brittany Murphy (Little Black Book, Clueless)


TOD HACKETT
Who is He: An artist being trained in sketching costume and production designs. He falls for Faye, but she makes it clear that there will never be anything between them. Imagines Los Angeles as a wasteland whose inhabitants will one day burn it to the ground.

My Choice: Looks like the book's description, and golly could he play it.


Tobey Maguire (The Cider House Rules, Seabiscuit)