Actors Nomming Actors: SAG

The Screen Actors Guild nominees arrived this morning at (roughly) 5:55AM, PST. I had an alarm set and everything, almost falling back asleep with the thought, "Eh, it's just the Globes, I'll read everyone's take later." Which is wrong in many ways. What kind of monster would choose to sleep during the Globe nominees? Had I already forgotten last year, when announcer Woody Harrelson objected to Rampart's complete absence, and when Sofia Vergara Charo'd out with her pronunciation of Scorsese's name (Ma-reen Scor-sez)?

Not that that matters, because that's tomorrow. What matters is this: SCREEN ACTORS GUILD nominees!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Alan Arkin, Argo

Javier Bardem, Skyfall

Robert DeNiro, Silver Linings Playbook

Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master

Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln

SURPRISE!: Bardem gets in for his Bond villain, the first time the franchise has been honored by any of the major guilds (WGA, DGA, PGA, SAG).

HOORAY: Bardem obviously, but even though they're pretty much locks, I'm always rooting for Hoffman and Jones in their respective films. I didn't care much for The Master, but I think Hoffman does a magnificent job of presenting the subtle manipulations and irrepressible charm of Lancaster Dodd, as well as the little weaknesses that weaken his own fortitude.

As for Jones in Lincoln: bad-ass. (You saw the Cinemaniacs review of Lincoln, right?)

MIA: Leonardo DiCaprio (Django Unchained); I blame the late arrival of the film, since Tarantino's flicks usually pick up some steam at these things

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Sally Field, Lincoln

Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables

Helen Hunt, The Sessions

Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy

Maggie Smith, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

SURPRISE!: Kidman gets in for her white trash sexed-up Barbie doll in Lee Daniels' dark, camp thriller The Paperboy.

HOORAY: SAG gave out pleasant surprises higgledy-piggledy this year: Kidman gave one of the strongest performances of the year (even if it isn't, in my mind, a supporting one). Also appreciate the continued love for Hunt's work in The Sessions, though hers is not a supporting performance either.

MIA: Ann Dowd (Compliance), Amy Adams (The Master), Samantha Barks (Les Miserables), Judi Dench (Skyfall)

BEST ACTOR

Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook

Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

John Hawkes, The Sessions

Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables

Denzel Washington, Flight

SURPRISE!: None. For me, anyway. I know others were expecting Joaquin Phoenix in The Master, but I sure as hell wasn't.

HOORAY: No Phoenix!

MIA: Joaquin Phoenix (The Master), Anthony Hopkins (Hitchcock), Jean-Louis Trintignant (Amour)

BEST ACTRESS

Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone

Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Helen Mirren, Hitchcock

Naomi Watts, The Impossible

SURPRISE!: This goes into MIA as well, but the absence of both Emmanuelle Riva and Jean-Louis Trintignant for Amour surprised many today. I'm assuming that they weren't eligible, or at least unseen by the members of the nominating committee. Mirren and Watts making it in raised my eyebrows.

HOORAY: Cotillard, whose film I just saw last night, is superb.

MIA: Emmanuelle Riva (Amour), Judi Dench (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel)

BEST ENSEMBLE

Argo

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Lincoln

Les Miserables

Silver Linings Playbook

SURPRISE!: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel!

HOORAY: Argo, Best Exotic, Lincoln and Silver Linings all boasted superlative casts with great chemistry; in some cases, they saved the movie (but you've seen the Cinemaniacs reviews of Silver Linings Playbook, right?). I haven't seen Les Mis, so only time will tell.

MIA: Strong ensemble work this year - Moonrise Kingdom, Magic Mike, Damsels in Distress, The Sessions, The Paperboy, and Cloud Atlas all deserved nods here, but I wouldn't know which of them to choose and which of these solid nominees to replace.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

As you can see, things are a little different over at the Silver Screening Room.

It begins, of course, with the new design and layout, courtesy of good friend and Ruin the Internet performer/writer/editor Chris Amick (he's the one with glasses, some scruff, soothing voice). And it is GORGEOUS!

It further develops with what you see in the post below: good friend and Ruin the Internet performer/writer Ben Mekler (the one with no glasses, scruff) and myself have an online review show with BiteSize Network, CINEMANIACS. I can post the videos up here as well, as I did on Halloween, but y'all should also check us out on the main page (follow the above link).

FINALLY, the Awards Season is upon us, which means we are ever closer to the Oscars, which means CASTING COUP MONTH returns! Last year, 'twas but a week of celebration, but I'm hoping to go back to a full month of re-imagining Oscar-winning films with a modern ensemble.

Recommendations...of The DAMNED!!!

My best friend and I have a movie review show. This week, we recommend some bad-ass Halloween treats.

POLTERGEIST

A young family are visited by ghosts in their home. At first the ghosts appear friendly, moving objects around the house to the amusement of everyone, then they turn nasty and start to terrorise the family before they "kidnap" the youngest daughter. - from IMDb

You asked me to do it; I did it! Late last night, on Halloween Eve, I finally saw the horror classic Poltergeist.

Poltergeist is one of those films you think you know even if you've never seen it. The poster is iconic, the lines are oft-quoted ("They're here"), Family Guy remade it in an episode. It's very easy to walk into Poltergeist and be underwhelmed. Where's the opportunity for surprise and suspense when every twist and turn is part of popular culture?

Well, let me get out of the way first: Poltergeist is not really that scary, and I don't think you can completely blame overexposure for it. The film just doesn't work that way. The ghosts are big special effects creations, shining lights floating down like the aliens in Cocoon, or else monstrous skull demons roaring and throwing their heads out of closets. Monstrous and ugly, but not scary. There are moments that made my skin crawl -- the chairs on the table, the steak, the tree -- but it's not like I shivered and sat on the edge of my seat. It's spooky, certainly, but not terrifying. For me, anyway.

Still...

But it'd be nuts to base the quality of Poltergeist off of that alone. After all, not every ghost flick has to be chew-your-nails terrifying, and Poltergeist is obviously not concerned with that anyway. Its focus instead is on the effects these supernatural events have on a family, in particular the mother, played by JoBeth Williams.

I think this is what separates Poltergeist from all others. Craig T. Nelson's dad Steven is the one who actually goes out and calls on parapsychologist Dr. Tesh (Beatrice Straight) for help, but Williams' Diane is the film's focus. She refuses to leave the house, not wanting to leave her baby stuck in the spirit realm, but she is far from the helpless, hysterical mess this would imply. Instead, it's Steven who sits by in a chair, doubting the capabilities of his visitors, visibly exhausted, uncertain what to do. As the man, the protector of the family, he is left defeated by a force he can not understand, unable to bring his family through this horror -- it's emasculating, and Nelson gets this emotion through his slack face and confused movements.

As I said, it's the wife who takes charge. She refuses to leave her baby. She stays up with Dr. Lesh, forming a bond in a moving late-night conversation scene, learning more about this thing that has taken over her house. She puts her trust in medium Tangina. She is the one who puts on the rope so she can fetch Carol Anne from the other side, and she is the one who brings her children out of the house while Steven yells at his boss outside. Of course, she's also the one who at first toys with the idea of having these spirits around, using first her chair, then her own daughter, in an experiment to see them rush across the floor. She's flabbergasted and excited, but not afraid, and perhaps her vigilance later on is just as much a product of guilt as it is maternal instinct. After all, she literally offered up Carol Anne to the ghosts; what are they gonna do, deny it?

DON'T DO THAT

The conflict between husband and wife is hinted at throughout the film. I love the scene where Diane smokes pot in the master bedroom while Steven, unable to roll a joint, gives up and picks up Reagan: The Man, The President instead.

 

I love when she's trying to show him the chair moving across the kitchen and tells him to "Reach back into our past, when you sued to have an open mind. Remember that?" I love when Tangina asks the disciplinarian of the two to call Carol Anne's spirit closer using force and anger, and they argue about which one fits the role. I love most of all when Dr. Tesh asks Steven to name everyone in the house, with ages. And he names his wife Diane, 32, their oldest daughter Dana, 16....that kills me. You get a real idea of who these two were and are, understanding the dig at Steven's former open-mindedness and Diane's expert rolling of a joint.

It also provides a purpose for the presence of Dana in the story, a character who says nothing, does nothing, and might as well not exist. Ah, but what insight Dana's presence lends! The first child, there's eight years difference between her and son Robbie. And since her parents were both, presumably, in high school, there is a looser hold on her. She is frequently out with friends, apparently allowed to stay out on school nights, and while not open about her sex life, her references to her experiences are left virtually unchecked.

Through these moments, Poltergeist presents an interesting peek at the changing nuclear family. The free-lovin', free-wheelin', everyone smoke a jay, fuck-the-man, we won't be anything like our parents 60s and 70s is giving way to the Yuppie nirvana of the Reagan 80s. One gets the sense that whatever Steven and Diane did in that time, she was the instigator and he went along because he loved her. It's the one thing about this movie I cannot shake.

Ok, and Zelda Rubinstein as Tangina.

Get it, girl!

There are lots of other things I could discuss, like Dr. Lesh's own awakening to what she's experiencing, or the fact that after seeing four other Tobe Hooper films, I see his fingerprints on this just as much as Spielberg's. But this was all about introducing me to a film so that I could give a Casting Coup. After the jump, of course.

Shocktoberfest Stew

Happy Halloween everybody!

There's lots of catching up to do, including (I promised!) my review and Casting Coup of Poltergeist. That's later. Right now, I want to reassure you all that I have not been lolly-gagging about this October. I've actually been celebrating with the following films.

FRANKENWEENIE

THIS CAT IS AMAZING

 It's important to get the new releases in, right? Score, cinematography, animation -- all A-Plus! But is it me or did this script seem rushed, not fully formed? It's about the relationship between kids and their animals, about the importance of science, about letting go, about cats with psychic poop. That's fine, but the film really seems to only focus on each of those things for a five-minute span before getting distracted by things like a child version of Boris Karloff, or broad Japanese caricatures, or Martin Landau calling everyone dumb. Ok, that last part was the best thing in the film, but the rest of it is some half-formed theses about outcasts...? Laudable attempt that misses the mark. Most criminal: not enough Winona Ryder.  2.5/5 black cats.

V/H/S

Man had I been hearing some good things about this found-footage horror anthology -- two genres that are difficult to execute on their own, but together?! Here's what they offer:

•  Tape 56 - The wrap-around story, in which some thugs record themselves in their thuggery as they break into a house to steal a videotape. They don't know what videotape, so they go through all the tapes in the house. Meanwhile: mysterious happenings and disappearances! Interesting enough, decent execution, 2.5 black cats.
• Amateur Night - In which some guys sneak a camera on to one of their eye-glasses to make a sex tape. But the girl they pick up is not what she appears to be! Funny, inventive, gruesome, creepy: 3.5 black cats.
• Second Honeymoon - A stretch of genuine creepiness; longer stretches of tedium. Director Ti West is a fan of the slow-burn. Given 15 minutes to work with, he goes for all slow-burn capped off with an abrupt ending that disappoints. 2 black cats.
• Tuesday the 17th - Neat idea for a villain is sole redeeming value of this hunk o' junk. And just look at that smug title. Just...just terrible. .5 black cats.
• The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger - If you can get past the awful twist, the fact that it's Skype conversations that we are repeatedly told are not being recorded, and the fact that, wait, were these un-recorded Skype convos recorded then put on a VHS? Maybe I can't get past that. And what's with these self-satisfied titles? 1.5 black cats.
• 10/31/98 - INCREDIBLE. The only film here that believably executes the found footage conceit, presents characters you can immediately relate to, and is pants-shittingly terrifying. A twist that's earned and fluid within the narrative, not a lame "GOTCHA" moment? The most terrifying haunted house ever? A CULT?!? Baby, you reeeeal good. 5 black cats.

Overall, a disappointing venture with one glittering jewel...and another not-so-bad entry. 2/5 black cats.

For more thoughts and discussion of V/H/S, you'd do well to check out Cinemaniacs.

SISTERS OF DEATH

What a bizarre little film. A sorority (I guess?) of four invites two new members, one of them gets killed in a mock execution, they're lured to a ranch-house in the desert seven years later, and they get bumped off. Kind of falls apart at the end, with twist upon twist that, when compared with the film you just watched, don't make a lot of sense. Especially the last shot. Still, some great '70s eye candy, as you can see. 2/5 black cats.

EATEN ALIVE

Tobe Hooper's follow-up to Texas Chain Saw Massacre follows a disturbed innkeeper whose motel is off the beaten track, built above a swamp wherein lives his vicious crocodile. Often repetitive in its Character Checks In/Innkeeper Goes Fire-and-Brimstone Nuts/Croc Eats structure, the real draw here is the central performance by Neville Brand as the innkeeper, Judd.

Muttering away to himself, a mix of fearful child and pious old man, his is an interesting creation that stays with you long after -- in my case, weeks after. Brand's performance in unsettling, not least of all because you can see how the switch gets flipped from accommodating host to vengeful murderer. That alone brings it to 3.5/5 black cats.

BLOOD FEAST

Finally watched a Herschell Gordon Lewis film, his first foray into horror. Filmed in Miami (whoo! Florida! represent!), the splatter-fest follows an Egyptian caterer who murders women for a cannibalistic feast meant to bring goddess of death Ishtar to Earth. It's ridiculous, but it knows and accepts it. Lewis almost scoffs at anything like "characters" or "actors" or "cinematography". He knows you came for the gore, and he delivers -- oh, boy howdy, he delivers like no one ever before. The tongue getting ripped out bare-handed is probably the highlight. 4/5 black cats.

But you know, for me it's all about Mrs. Fremont.



Hahaha! Mrs. Fremont is the fucking best. That hat, the way she bugs her tiny eyes, the way she enunciates every syllable of "student of Egyptian culture." Oh my God, Mrs. Fremont is my hero! Sure, the film's cops try to steal the show with their attempts to secure the tile of Most Unfazed Homicide Detectives in All of History. But when I think of Blood Feast, I think of Mrs. Fremont learning her caterer was going to serve her human flesh and clucking, "Oh, dear. The guests will just have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight."

Give her 5.5/5 black cats.

ORPHAN

See, this is how you do horror. Build your characters, build suspense, get a few macabre laughs in there, cast some classy, able thespians...then in the last 15 or 20 minutes go completely balls to the wall insane! That Orphan manages to be such a good time while dabbling in such icky subject matter is a credit to the filmmaking team -- director Jaume Collet-Sera (House of Wax) and writer David Johnson (Red Riding Hood) know from guilty pleasures. 3.5/5 black cats.

TWO THOUSAND MANIACS

Yeah, I went and watched it anyway. And oh my GOD am I happy I did so! Herschell Gordon Lewis's clever satire about the South's fanatical attachment to its Confederate history comes wrapped in blood and guts...or do the blood and guts come wrapped in butcher paper? HA! No, but it's great. Six Northerners get lost in a tiny Southern town and become sacrifices during the town's Civil War Centennial celebration. Where Blood Feast has one highlight, Two Thousand Maniacs has several, including a great "horse race" punctuated by "Dixieland" and a "barrel roll" that is actually stomach-churning to watch. Overflowing with sadistic creativity and proudly tasteless humor. And I know everyone looked like this in 1966, but I love how much femme fatale Betsy looks like a demented Lawrence Welk champagne girl.

Right? Anyway, this is what horror is all about. 5/5 black cats.

Casting Coup Tuesday: Young Frankenstein

One Sunday -- third grade, perhaps? -- I came home from a friend's house to see my parents watching a horror movie on TV. I was into old school horror for a while (still am): if it was black-and-white and had a Frankienstein or a vampire or a Chaney, I was in.

My parents seemed a trifle wary about my joining them...but my dad had a certain rule for even the most risque films: if it was awesome, it was the exception. So it was that I sat down and prepared to enjoy some creature feature thrills and chills.

But this Frankenstein movie seemed different. This one seemed....funny. And why were Mrs. White and Willy Wonka in this?

Well, you better believe by that Christmas I had Young Frankenstein on VHS. It was a favorite of mine, perfect for a rainy day. And as the years went by, I found more and more people who felt as I did. Imagine my excitement when, studying the original novel in high school, the teacher chose the Mel Brooks version as the finest cinematic execution of the conflict and themes Mary Shelley first portrayed. And even if it wasn't, it was entertaining enough to keep us quiet for a bit.

Since I was already a fan of the Universal films, Young Frankenstein offered more to me than just laughs. I appreciated Mel Brooks' affectionate homage on a technical level, from the sets to the cinematography to the acting to the music to...I mean, you get it. I was also surprised by the emotional depth: the Monster's climactic appeal for love and understanding for himself and his creator is beautifully written and performed, but it's Frederick's own acceptance of both the Monster and his family in the middle that has always struck me as the most moving scene in the film.

Young Frankenstein was equally successful with critics and audiences. At the box office, it was bested only by The Towering Inferno and Mel Brooks' other genre parody, Blazing Saddles. Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks found themsleves nominated for the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay, while co-stars Cloris Leachman and Madeline Kahn earned Golden Globe nominations of their own. Richard Portman (who would eventually win for The Deer Hunter) and Gene Cantamessa (ditto for ET) were nominated for their sound work, but all the nominations in those "prestigious" awards bodies came to naught. Still -- when you're a black-and-white horror-comedy, going up against The Godfather: Part II on Hollywood's biggest night ain't bad.

Naturally, we can never let a good thing go, so it was inevitable that, following the success of his Broadway adaptation of The Producers, Brooks would choose Young Frankenstein as his follow-up. Actually, I think Young Frankenstein would be ripe for a musical transfer, but Brooks' music here is similar to that of The Producers. And let's face it, what's good for the satire about show business is not good for the homage to horror classics. But I bring this up not just to note the film's continued influence, but to mention that there is precedence for re-casting the roles of this classic comedy.

And here's mine:

ELIZABETH

Who is She: Frederick's fiancee, a high-maintenance city gal who surprises her love with an impromptu visit. She is kidnapped by the lustful Monster Frederick created....but finds herself not entirely displeased.

Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Paper Moon, Blazing Saddles), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Paper Moon, Young Frankenstein), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Nixon)

Madeline Kahn (What's Up, Doc?, Clue)

My Choice: Hollmann Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt), Academy Award/SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Junebug, Doubt, The Fighter), BAFTA Award/Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Doubt, The Fighter), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Enchanted), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Doubt, The Fighter)

Amy Adams (Trouble with the Curve, The Master)

She should play bitchy more often. And comedy.

INSPECTOR KEMP

Who is He: Transylvanian police inspector with the false arm, one eye and limp. Visits Frederick to assuage the village's fears, but later feels that it's about time to riot. His accent is so thick as to be barely comprehensible.

Originally played by:

Kenneth Mars (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, We're Back: A Dinosaur Story)

My Choice:

Matt Berry (Moon, Snow White and the Huntsman)

He of the distinctive voice, from the television shows "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" and "The IT Crowd". Could bring the authority that comes with being a police inspector, and certainly capable of executing the ridiculous.

FRAU BLUCHER

Who is She: Loyal housekeeper of Castle Frankenstein, she lures Frederick to Victor's diary, tempting him to also play God and create the Monster. In the past, she helped Victor...loved Victor...he was her boyfriend!

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Young Frankenstein), Academy Award/BAFTA Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress (The Last Picture Show), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress - Musical/Comedy (Charley and the Angel, Young Frankenstein) and Best Supporting Actress (The Last Picture Show), SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Spanglish)

Cloris Leachman (Sky High, The Oogieloves in: The Big Balloon Adventure)

My Choice:

Catherine O'Hara (Penelope, Away We Go)

One of the very best comic actresses in the business, so effective because she doesn't play comic characters, but people who happen to be amusing or funny or embarrassing. She's a master of voice-work: witness her playing multiple parts in Nightmare Before Christmas and Frankenweenie. Can't you just see her climbing up those stairs, fiddle in hand, screaming, "He vass my BOYFRIENNNNN'!"?

INGA

Who is She: Frederick's beautiful assistant, fiercely loyal, often up for a roll in ze hay.

Originally played by: Academy Award/BAFTA Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Tootsie)

Teri Garr (Oh, God, Pret-a-Porter)

My Choice:

Malin Akerman (Watchmen, Rock of Ages)

Her work with the alum of The State on "Children's Hospital" and Wanderlust, and with Lisa Kudrow on "The Comeback", showcase her comic chops. Never playing down her beauty, yet never relying on looks alone, Akerman's one of the more exciting comediennes the decade's offered us. I'm pretty sure she can do the accent -- I know she's Swedish, which isn't the same at all as Transylvanian, but I feel like she could probably do a good German voice. And she's just so lovely!

IGOR

Who is He: Frederick's hump-backed assistant, grandson of the original Ygor. Eager to please, almost child-like, one of my favorites.

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Young Frankenstein), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Silent Movie)

Marty Feldman (The Magnificent Seven Deadly Sins, The Last Remake of Beau Geste)

My Choice: SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Frost/Nixon)

Toby Jones (Finding Neverland, City of Ember)

The man deserves every possible chance to prove himself. Although he gets funny bits in some of his roles, he has yet to really showcase his comic talents on film. Now is the time.

THE MONSTER

Who is He: Frederick's creation, blessed with a talent for Irving Berlin and an enormous schwanz.

Originally played by:

Peter Boyle (Taxi Driver, The Adventures of Pluto Nash)

My Choice:

Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Five-Year Engagement)

FREDERICK FRANKENSTEIN

Who is He: The American grandson of the Dr. Victor Frankenstein, seeking to distance himself from Grandpa's reputation by offering a different pronunciation of his name (Fronk-en-steen). Inheriting his grandfather's estate, he travels to Transylvania and finds himself caught in the same madness that haunted Victor: the creation of human life.

Originally played by: Hollmann Award Winner for Best Adapted Screenplay (Young Frankenstein), Academy Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (The Producers) and Best Adapted Screenplay (Young Frankenstein), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actor - Musical/Comedy (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Silver Streak), WGA Award Nominee for Best Adapted Comedy (Young Frankenstein)

Gene Wilder (Haunted Honeymoon, The Woman in Red)

My Choice: SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (The Cider House Rules)

Paul Rudd (Clueless, Wanderlust)

His understated delivery works for him as much as it did Gene Wilder. But his more laid-back, everyman approach, even when playing prude, would guarantee a new interpretation that would still kill.

The Plague's the Thing!

I promise you I have been watching horror flicks. Soon, Poltergeist!

LIFEFORCE

In Lifeforce, Tobe Hooper and The Cannon Group give us a tale of a decimated spaceship bringing three mysterious humanoids back to Earth. And wouldn't you know it -- they're energy vampires, intergalactic antecedents of the bloodsuckers of legend! Soon, they escape, and it's up to SAS Captain Peter Firth and surviving American astronaut Steve Railsback to stop the creatures as they spread their plague throughout London.

What starts promisingly, even nightmarishly, soon dissolves into a run-of-the-mill, so-so acted, nonsensical bore. Railsback becomes the narrative's hero, and he's just nowhere near as interesting as, say, scientist Frank Finlay or Home Secretary Aubrey Morris. I don't know if it's the fault of the severe edits from post-production, either, because even in the moody beginning Railsback is a problem. You lull yourself into a false state of security, assured that since all the astronauts died, he went with them. But no! He's the lead! And chasing around blue lazers that are supposed to be souls! NEON SOULS FROM OUTER SPACE! Or something.

I was immensely disappointed, and between this and last year's viewing of The Funhouse -- which is admittedly more of a noble failure than a terrible movie -- I was beginning to wonder if maybe everyone was right. Maybe The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was an anomaly.

More on that later, though. Out of five black cats, Lifeforce gets two. I'm being generous.


RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

I loved this film the first time I saw it, but that was two years ago now. I had to re-visit it, even if it was just to watch Clu Gulager and brag to myself that I've met and spoken with him a number of times since moving to LA (he heard me singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and told me I had a wonderful falsetto).

Ok, so, Return of the Living Dead is about two guys at a medical supply warehouse who accidentally open a toxic container that was meant to be shipped to the military. This container releases a zombie and a chemical that not only slowly kills them, but gets into the air and awakens the dead. And these are the type of dead who want BRAAAAAINS and can talk and run and are really fucking creepy. The two guys soon find themselves battling the zombies alongside their boss, the younger employee's girlfriend, her friends and an undertaker.

What everyone loves about Return of the Living Dead is the humor. It's a horror-comedy, so there's plenty of grisly laughs to be had. What I especially love about Return of the Living Dead is the empathy it has for each of its protagonists. Both of the guys who release the toxins are pretty doofy, but instead of settling for "buncha dummies" laughs, the film gives them stakes, real fear about their predicament, and choices that are alternately horrific and tragic.

Rich in character, suspense and humor, it's no surprise that it's Dan O'Bannon who both wrote and directed the picture. He is, of course, the screenwriter of horror masterpieces Alien and Dead & Buried (brilliant!), as well as the visual effects guru/co-writer of Dark Star (John Carpenter's first film) and disappointed screenwriter of -- guess what? -- Lifeforce! If one was to choose between his 1985 plague offerings, of course, it's this one that wins. Because, I mean:



So awesome! Five out of five black cats!