Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
dir: Kenneth Branagh
Showing posts with label Kenneth Branagh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kenneth Branagh. Show all posts
Friday, November 10, 2017
It Came True: Murder on the Orient Express, 2017
The day has finally come! I have seen a brand new Agatha Christie movie in the theater! Did it do the Queen of Crime justice? How did it compare to the many other versions we've watched and discussed? Was it any good? My dears, it's the exciting conclusion of Murder on the Orient Express week!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Casting Coup Tuesdays: Theatre of Blood
Vincent Price is my favorite actor.
I don't remember when I realized this, exactly, but I know it must have been around middle school. While my fourth grade teacher playing a Vincent Price-hosted clip show of classic horror on Halloween excited me, I was a Chaney, Sr. man then, and a Lugosi faithful by the end of elementary school. Somehow, though, as my adolescence began and my knowledge of film grew past 1941, Price took over.
Do you think it might have been the films? Not to sound unsophisticated or anything, but much as I admire Chaney's silent-era physicality and Lugosi's early-sound histrionics, Price got to ham it up in the colorful 60s and 70s, when bare breasts began bouncing on-screen alongside close-up gore effects and bizarre Hollywood concepts of the drug scene. His movies were campy and dark, funny and violent, sexy and...sexy?
We could talk for ages about his Wm Castle flicks (The Tingler, House on Haunted Hill), his Poe vehicles for Roger Corman (House of Usher, The Tomb of Ligeia), his work in more prestigious fare (The Song of Bernadette, The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex), or his contributions to early Tim Burton ("Vincent", Edward Scissorhands). But I think any Price fan worth his or her salt knows that nothing beats his one-two punch of Dr. Anton Phibes and Edward Lionheart, the anti-heroes of 1971's The Abominable Dr. Phibes, 1972's Dr. Phibes Rises Again and 1973's Theatre of Blood. Both men seek to avenge perceived wrongs by murdering those he begrudges in the most creative ways possible. In the first Phibes, it's according to the Plagues of Egypt. In Theatre of Blood, it's the works of William Shakespeare.
It's really quite a phenomenal idea for a film: Vincent Price as a hammy Shakespearean actor who attempts suicide when the Critics' Circle Awards snub him in favor of a young Method actor. Unbeknownst to everyone else, he survives, and he plans his revenge on the nine members of the jury according to the plays he performed in his final theatrical season. And in between killings, he performs scenes from those very plays to a rapt audience of homeless drug addicts who "rescued" him from his botched drowning.
This is my favorite Vincent Price film, and I've always loved that it was his, too. Of course, it was here that he met his third wife Coral Browne, and realized his dream of performing Shakespeare on film. I am not lying or exaggerating when I say that I always just heard Hamlet's soliliquoy in legitimate film versions of the Bard's work; only with Price's recitation after losing the coveted prize did I fully "get" the import of the words, and the beauty of the writing.
Lionheart goes from a darkly comic villain to a tragic hero, a man who only wants to be recognized for his hard work and dedication, to be celebrated for pursuing his dream with such single-mindedness...and they laugh at him. These people who dare not try their hand at performing, who make their living scoffing at struggling performers and eviscerating the efforts of hard-working craftsmen, these butchers (as Edwina puts it) laugh at him. Perhaps Lionheart puts it best:
And if those two scenes aren't enough to convince you of this movie's greatness:
So awesome.
But Price isn't the only one with a great part. The critics are a colorful ensemble of pompous prigs, the policemen are the right balance of competent and befuddled, and Lionheart has a beautiful daughter (played by Diana Rigg) who may or may not be working with him. It's a film ripe with character parts, which is why I'm a little surprised no one's tried to remake it. There was a stage version a few years back, with Jim Broadbent and Rigg's daughter Rachael Stirling as the Lionhearts, but otherwise, no one else dares to touch the film. Is it the daunting task of even equaling Price's performance? The difficult tone? The logistics of rounding up an ensemble not only willing to do a slasher flick but giving said flick an air of legitimacy and class?
Perhaps. But this is Casting Coup Tuesday. We gotta try. But let's at least do it after the jump:
I don't remember when I realized this, exactly, but I know it must have been around middle school. While my fourth grade teacher playing a Vincent Price-hosted clip show of classic horror on Halloween excited me, I was a Chaney, Sr. man then, and a Lugosi faithful by the end of elementary school. Somehow, though, as my adolescence began and my knowledge of film grew past 1941, Price took over.
Do you think it might have been the films? Not to sound unsophisticated or anything, but much as I admire Chaney's silent-era physicality and Lugosi's early-sound histrionics, Price got to ham it up in the colorful 60s and 70s, when bare breasts began bouncing on-screen alongside close-up gore effects and bizarre Hollywood concepts of the drug scene. His movies were campy and dark, funny and violent, sexy and...sexy?
We could talk for ages about his Wm Castle flicks (The Tingler, House on Haunted Hill), his Poe vehicles for Roger Corman (House of Usher, The Tomb of Ligeia), his work in more prestigious fare (The Song of Bernadette, The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex), or his contributions to early Tim Burton ("Vincent", Edward Scissorhands). But I think any Price fan worth his or her salt knows that nothing beats his one-two punch of Dr. Anton Phibes and Edward Lionheart, the anti-heroes of 1971's The Abominable Dr. Phibes, 1972's Dr. Phibes Rises Again and 1973's Theatre of Blood. Both men seek to avenge perceived wrongs by murdering those he begrudges in the most creative ways possible. In the first Phibes, it's according to the Plagues of Egypt. In Theatre of Blood, it's the works of William Shakespeare.
It's really quite a phenomenal idea for a film: Vincent Price as a hammy Shakespearean actor who attempts suicide when the Critics' Circle Awards snub him in favor of a young Method actor. Unbeknownst to everyone else, he survives, and he plans his revenge on the nine members of the jury according to the plays he performed in his final theatrical season. And in between killings, he performs scenes from those very plays to a rapt audience of homeless drug addicts who "rescued" him from his botched drowning.
This is my favorite Vincent Price film, and I've always loved that it was his, too. Of course, it was here that he met his third wife Coral Browne, and realized his dream of performing Shakespeare on film. I am not lying or exaggerating when I say that I always just heard Hamlet's soliliquoy in legitimate film versions of the Bard's work; only with Price's recitation after losing the coveted prize did I fully "get" the import of the words, and the beauty of the writing.
Lionheart goes from a darkly comic villain to a tragic hero, a man who only wants to be recognized for his hard work and dedication, to be celebrated for pursuing his dream with such single-mindedness...and they laugh at him. These people who dare not try their hand at performing, who make their living scoffing at struggling performers and eviscerating the efforts of hard-working craftsmen, these butchers (as Edwina puts it) laugh at him. Perhaps Lionheart puts it best:
And if those two scenes aren't enough to convince you of this movie's greatness:
So awesome.
But Price isn't the only one with a great part. The critics are a colorful ensemble of pompous prigs, the policemen are the right balance of competent and befuddled, and Lionheart has a beautiful daughter (played by Diana Rigg) who may or may not be working with him. It's a film ripe with character parts, which is why I'm a little surprised no one's tried to remake it. There was a stage version a few years back, with Jim Broadbent and Rigg's daughter Rachael Stirling as the Lionhearts, but otherwise, no one else dares to touch the film. Is it the daunting task of even equaling Price's performance? The difficult tone? The logistics of rounding up an ensemble not only willing to do a slasher flick but giving said flick an air of legitimacy and class?
Perhaps. But this is Casting Coup Tuesday. We gotta try. But let's at least do it after the jump:
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Casting Coup Tuesdays: Goodbye, Mr. Chips - The Musical
I do sometimes take requests, and this was one that I could not resist. Though I already cast James Hilton's classic novel Goodbye Mr. Chips, our friend Tom challenged me to recast the musical version. Released in 1969, the musical version starred Peter O'Toole (in an Oscar-nominated performance) and pop singer Petula Clark. I was going to respond that the actors I chose could sing already, and I might have left it at that, were it not for a chance screening of this very version on TCM. Hey, it was a chance to cross another film off ym list, so why not?
As my sister remarked when I described it to her later, "That sounds nothing like the book." Indeed, it isn't. Beginning in the 1920s, the musical version picks up with Mr. Chips as a veteran teacher, used to the idea of the boys dislking him. Well, all right, he was stuffy in the original, too. I wondered what Staefel would get to sing, and if Ralston was going to show up, and---
Oh, whoa, wait a minute. The first surprise was the appearance of women on the school grounds. The original made a point of Katherine being this young, vivacious, feminine spirit in a world completely sans women (except for the sexless Mrs. Wickett). Yet already we had the headmaster's wife as a major character. Fine, I get that. The story's been updated, it's only natural to want to bring in another woman. How much longer until Staefel and Chips go to Austria and he meets Katherine?
What the what??? In this version, Katherine is a music-hall singer, the girl who shows up to sing the show-stopping tune and then gets to go to all the fun parties. One of Chips' younger colleagues takes him to a performance, for he is smitten with the girl. They all dine together, but Chips' frankness means he and Katherine do not hit it off. By coincidence, though, they meet while on holiday...IN POMPEII!!! There they fall in love, and eventually get married, and it's the story as usual.
Incorrect. Whereas the novel and original film focus on Chips' career, this is about the great romance that both previous versions insisted changed his life. Here, we get to see that great change, as he warms to everyone, and his students go from singing about how much they dread his class to demanding he be made headmaster. Katherine also has to acclimate herself to life as a schoolteacher's wife, since the more conservative staff and parents do not approve of her past life or her friends -- among them your typical boozy, witty actresses based on Tallulah Bankhead and played by Sian Phillips.
If you can separate yourself from the previous ncarnations, you should enjoy it. Though a bit slow-going at times -- I feel like they excavated Pompeii in the time it took to get through those scenes -- it's got some beautiful songs, a winning performance by Petula Clark, some real touching and heartbreaking moments, and a strong turn by O'Toole. I like especially how much darker this Chips was. This wasn't the well-meaning, "Pip-pip-cheerio" old man of Donat, but a cynical, more morose incarnation that really brightens up when he falls for Katherine. There's much more commentary on the class system -- the students at Meadowood come from families that would never dream of having a teacher in the family, much less a chorus girl. And there are dance numbers.
Naturally, it was irresistible to me. A film I enjoyed but still had some flaws? Aren't almost-great films the one most in need of a remake, the ones who need a second going-over so that their greatness can be fully realized? And isn't the cast the perfect place to start?
THE HEADMASTER'S WIFE
Who is She: ...come on. She's a snobby woman who doesn't take to that common woman Chips married.
Originally played by:
Allison Leggatt (The Day of the Triffids, Far from the Madding Crowd)
My Choice:
Patricia Routledge (To Sir with Love, "Keeping Up Appearances")
One of those immensely talented comic actresses that I grew up watching, only to wonder whatever happened to them. Routledge does stage work, but she perfected middle-class snobbery as Hyacinth Bucket in "Keeping Up Appearances".
MAX STAEFEL
Who is He: Mr. Chipping's best friend at the school, an intelligent German who takes Chipping with him on holiday to Pompeii. When war breaks out, he returns to Germany to fight for the Fatherland.
Originally played by:
Michael Bryant (The Ruling Class, Gandhi)
My Choice:
Thom Hoffman (Dogville, Black Book)
THE HEADMASTER
Who is He: ...come on. Likes Mr. Chips, taps him as the replacement for when he retires.
Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (Mourning Becomes Electra), BAFTA Award Nominee for Best British Actor (The Night My Number Came Up, Time Without Pity)
Michael Redgrave (The Browning Version, The Dam Busters)
My Choice:
Clive Swift (A Passage to India, "Keeping Up Appearances")
He played Routledge's husband, the ever-patient Richard, on "Keeping Up Appearances". He's fairly versatile, though, and has appeared in a number of comedies, dramas, thrillers, epics, etc. I'd love to see him and Routledge together again.
LORD SUTTERWICK
Who is He: Father of one of Chipping's students, Sutterwick is giving money to the school for new playing fields. Alas, he recognizes Katherine from her showbiz days, and threatens to pull out both his money and his son unless Chips is canned. Little does he realize that Katherine knows a thing or two about his past...
Originally played by:
George Baker (On Her Majesty's Secret Service, The Spy Who Loved Me)
My Choice: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor & Best Director (Henry V), Best Short Film (Swan Song) and Best Adapted Screenplay (Hamlet), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Director (Henry V), Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Picture (Much Ado About Nothing), SAG Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Othello)
Kenneth Branagh (Pirate Radio, My Week with Marilyn)
Not that he should be typecast as stuffy, stiff upper-lip types...but he's great at it. Maybe he could actually bring some humor to the role as well. Baker was so...colorless.
Not that he should be typecast as stuffy, stiff upper-lip types...but he's great at it. Maybe he could actually bring some humor to the role as well. Baker was so...colorless.
URSULA MOSSBANK
Who is She: A boozy, diva-licious stage star and friend of Katherine. Loud and unaware, Ursula thinks Chips is another actor, and so gladly invites him to her parties. It is Ursula who shelters Katherine when she runs away from the school, and it is Ursula who played a part in Lord Sutterwick's past.
Originally played by: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Goodbye Mr. Chips)
Sian Phillips (Valmont, The Age of Innocence)
My Choice: Indie Spirit Nominee for Best Supporting Actress (Shy People)
Martha Plimpton (The Goonies, Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle)
Plimpton's brief appearance in Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle showed a vivacious spirit who comfortably wears period flapper garb. Over the years, she's shown herself to be a gifted comedienne and dramatist, a gal who clearly knows how to have a good time while excelling at her craft. To see her playing a tipsy thesp would be fabulous.
KATHERINE BRIDGES
Who is She: A music-hall star who meets Mr. Chipping at the Savoy, where he says the wrong thing. Then she meets him on holiday in Pompeii, where she says the right thing and become inseparable. When they return to England, neither fits into the other's world...but they love each other, and their marriage is a joyous one.
Songs: London is London, And the Sky Smiled, Apollo, Walk Through the World, Fill the World with Love (reprise), What Shall I Do Today, And the Sky Smiled (reprise), Schooldays, You and I
Originally played by: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy (Finian's Rainbow)
Petula Clark (Here Come the Huggetts, The Runaway Bus)
My Choice: Academy Award/Golden Globe/Indie Spirit/SAG Award/Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actress [in a Drama] (Rachel Getting Married), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy (Love & Other Drugs), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Brokeback Mountain)
[at 1:10]
Anne Hathaway ("Get Real", One Day)
Not only does she boast some incredible pipes; Oscar night proved that she's quite the showman, as well. Katherine is BIG, but she's also a nice, sweet girl. Hathaway can go BIG, but she can also be the nice, sweet girl. Can she do an English accent, though? Hm...
ARTHUR CHIPPING
Who is He: A stuffy, middle-aged schoolteacher. He meets Katherine at the Savoy, where he unwittingly insults her show. Luckily, they run into each other in Pompeii, of all places, where he educates her on the history and mythology of the area. They somehow fall in love, and it is from her that he receives the nickname "Mr. Chips". With her help, he goes from hated, strict schoolteacher to beloved, humorous standby.
Songs: Where Did My Childhood Go, What a Lot of Flowers
Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (Lawrence of Arabia, The Lion in Winter, Becket, Goodbye Mr. Chips, The Ruling Class, The Stunt Man, My Favorite Year, Venus), BAFTA Award Winner for Best British Actor (Lawrence of Arabia), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor in a Drama (The Lion in Winter, Becket) and in a Musical/Comedy (Goodbye Mr. Chips), SAG Award Nominee for Best Actor (Venus), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Ratatouille)
Peter O'Toole (Supergirl, King Ralph)
My Choice: Academy Award/BAFTA Award/Golden Globe/SAG Award Winner for Best Actor [in a Drama] (The King's Speech), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actor (A Single Man), SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (Shakespeare in Love, The King's Speech), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actor (A Single Man, The King's Speech) and Best Supporting Actor (Easy Virtue)
Colin Firth (Valmont, The Importance of Dorian Gray)
I thought he was quite good in Mamma Mia. He's no Pavarotti, but he has a capable voice, certainly more melodic than O'Toole's. And he is an Oscar-winner, after all. Forgive me for joining this bandwagon, but it's a worthy one.
KATHERINE BRIDGES
Who is She: A music-hall star who meets Mr. Chipping at the Savoy, where he says the wrong thing. Then she meets him on holiday in Pompeii, where she says the right thing and become inseparable. When they return to England, neither fits into the other's world...but they love each other, and their marriage is a joyous one.
Songs: London is London, And the Sky Smiled, Apollo, Walk Through the World, Fill the World with Love (reprise), What Shall I Do Today, And the Sky Smiled (reprise), Schooldays, You and I
Originally played by: Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy (Finian's Rainbow)
Petula Clark (Here Come the Huggetts, The Runaway Bus)
My Choice: Academy Award/Golden Globe/Indie Spirit/SAG Award/Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actress [in a Drama] (Rachel Getting Married), Golden Globe Nominee for Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy (Love & Other Drugs), SAG Award Nominee for Best Ensemble (Brokeback Mountain)
[at 1:10]
Anne Hathaway ("Get Real", One Day)
Not only does she boast some incredible pipes; Oscar night proved that she's quite the showman, as well. Katherine is BIG, but she's also a nice, sweet girl. Hathaway can go BIG, but she can also be the nice, sweet girl. Can she do an English accent, though? Hm...
ARTHUR CHIPPING
Who is He: A stuffy, middle-aged schoolteacher. He meets Katherine at the Savoy, where he unwittingly insults her show. Luckily, they run into each other in Pompeii, of all places, where he educates her on the history and mythology of the area. They somehow fall in love, and it is from her that he receives the nickname "Mr. Chips". With her help, he goes from hated, strict schoolteacher to beloved, humorous standby.
Songs: Where Did My Childhood Go, What a Lot of Flowers
Originally played by: Academy Award Nominee for Best Actor (Lawrence of Arabia, The Lion in Winter, Becket, Goodbye Mr. Chips, The Ruling Class, The Stunt Man, My Favorite Year, Venus), BAFTA Award Winner for Best British Actor (Lawrence of Arabia), Golden Globe Winner for Best Actor in a Drama (The Lion in Winter, Becket) and in a Musical/Comedy (Goodbye Mr. Chips), SAG Award Nominee for Best Actor (Venus), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (Ratatouille)
Peter O'Toole (Supergirl, King Ralph)
My Choice: Academy Award/BAFTA Award/Golden Globe/SAG Award Winner for Best Actor [in a Drama] (The King's Speech), BAFTA Award Winner for Best Actor (A Single Man), SAG Award Winner for Best Ensemble (Shakespeare in Love, The King's Speech), Hollmann Award Nominee for Best Actor (A Single Man, The King's Speech) and Best Supporting Actor (Easy Virtue)
Colin Firth (Valmont, The Importance of Dorian Gray)
I thought he was quite good in Mamma Mia. He's no Pavarotti, but he has a capable voice, certainly more melodic than O'Toole's. And he is an Oscar-winner, after all. Forgive me for joining this bandwagon, but it's a worthy one.
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
Best Actor: Colin Firth
Best Actress: Anne Hathaway
Best Supporting Actress: Martha Plimpton
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Casting Coup: Hercule Poirot's Christmas
*This one's from one of the Hollmann Holiday Extravangaza posts, my annual Christmas celebration. It is only one of two times that I have made a Casting Coup for an Agatha Christie. These are not the original pictures, by the way, as my hot-linking craziness from the LJ days had to be dispensed with.*
I know a few of you out there have never before read Hercule Poirot's Christmas. Thus, the following casting session may be confusing, or meaningless. However, I love Agatha Christie, and casts, and Christmas, and last time I checked, this was the HOLLMANN Holiday Extravaganza. So, allow me to be as selfish as Scrooge pre-Marley and Marley pre-death, and present my cast for the Agatha Christie classic Hercule Poirot's Christmas.
Synopsis (from us.agathachristie.com):
It is Christmas Eve. The Lee family reunion is shattered by a deafening crash of furniture, followed by a high-pitched wailing scream. Upstairs, the tyrannical Simeon Lee lies dead in a pool of blood, his throat slashed. But when Hercule Poirot, who is staying in the village with a friend for Christmas, offers to assist, he finds an atmosphere not of mourning, but of mutual suspicion. It seems everyone had their own reason to hate the old man...
THE LAW
Colonel Johnson
Who is He: Chief Constable of Yorkshire and friend of Poirot's. "I know criminals. Chicken-livered, most of them."
Originally played by: Nobody. In the TV version, Colonel Johnson was replaced with series (and short stories) regular Chief Inspector James Japp, who took the case for Scotland Yard with little or no argument from the locals, curiously enough. He was played by Philip Jackson.
My Choice: The great Bill Nighy, always an able supporting man, and who would work wonders with this small yet humorous role.
Superintendent Sugden
Who is He: Superintendent of the Middleshire Police. Johnson says he has little imagination.
Originally played by: Mark Tandy. Much younger than this photo, and with a mustache.
My Choice: Toby Stephens, who has at least four kick-ass roles to his credit: Bond villain (Die Another Day), murder suspect (Poirot: Five Little Pigs), Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre), and Maggie Smith's son. Only, he too needs a mustache. He's the one on the left.
Better look:
Anywho, moving on...
THE VICTIM
Simeon Lee
Who is He: The patriarch of the Lee family, with legitimate and illegitimate family members all over the place. How much of a dick is he? He gathered his family together for Christmas just to psychologically torture them for his own amusement. He gets his throat sliced open.
Originally played by: Vernon Dobtcheff, who was also in Sidney Lumet's Murder on the Orient Express.
My Choice: An aging family patriarch with a wicked sense of humor? Hmm, let me think.
THE FAMILY
Alfred Lee
Who is He: The eldest son. Kind of a pushover, since he still lives at home and serves his father like a Nubian slave. Hates his brother Harry. Simeon hated him because he was boring.
Originally played by: Simon Roberts.
My Choice: Academy Award Nominee Kenneth Branagh
Lydia Lee
Who is She: Alfred's wife, "an energetic, lean greyhound of a woman", stronger than her husband. She at least tells Simeon what she really thinks of him.
Originally played by: Catherine Rabett, who was on "You Rang, M'Lord?", my favorite Britcom of all time. More importantly, she played Elizabeth in Frankenstein Unbound.
My Choice: She even looks like an energetic, lean greyhound of a woman. Academy Award Winner Cate Blanchett.
George Lee
Who is He: An MP, if you can believe it, which means he's pretty high up on the social food chain! Also, he's a bit of a moron, cheap, and just dull as dirt.
Originally played by: Eric Carte, who has not changed a bit since 1994.
My Choice: I tend to typecast, giving the role of a cheap snob to someone who can play snobs really well. Ladies and gentlemen, the manager of the Spice Girls, Richard E. Grant.
Magdalene Lee
Who is She: George's much younger wife, a blonde beauty with a blank expression. She spends like it's going out of style. Everyone thinks George a fool for marrying her.
Originally played by: Andree Bernard, who is still quite a beauty.
My Choice: Another beautiful, sexually-charged blonde, Sienna Miller.
David Lee
Who is He: The youngest son, he has yet to recover from his mother's death twenty years ago. Coming back home reverts him to a childlike state.
Originally played by: Nobody. His character, perhaps the most complex and interesting of all, was cut out of the film.
My Choice: The youngest guy here, Ewan McGregor.
Hilda Lee
Who is She: David's plain wife, extremely devoted to her husband, in an almost scary amount.
Originally played by: Well, without David, there could be no Hilda.
My Choice: Plain but with an extreme force of character, Academy Award Nominee Samantha Morton.
Harry Lee
Who is He: The prodigal son, a dishonest swindler and forger of cheques. Naturally, his father's favorite.
Originally played by: Brian Gwaspari. This is an old picture.
My Choice: Dougray Scott, whom you may remember from Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore. Or Desperate Housewives.
SURPRISE GUESTS
Pilar Estravados
Who is She: The estranged granddaughter of Simeon's dead daughter, who married and lived in Spain. Pilar is beautiful and full of gumption. She also becomes a favorite of her grandfather's.
Originally played by: Sasha Behar, who is actually kind of pretty in an exotic kind of way.
My Choice: The only beautiful Spanish actress old enough, yet young enough, to play this part: Academy Award Nominee Penelope Cruz.
Stephen Farr
Who is He: A mysterious stranger from South Africa, claiming to be the son of an old family friend. But who is he, really? Can he be trusted? He and Pilar are in a constant state of eye-fucking.
Originally played by: Nobody. Again, one of the three most intriguing characters was cut out. Only Pilar remained.
My Choice: That master of accents, Academy Award Nominee Tim Roth.
THE SERVANTS
Horbury
Who is He: Simeon's valet, a mysterious man who comes and goes as quietly as a mouse. Or a cat, even.
Originally played by: Ayub Khan-Din, and they turned it into a race thing.
My Choice: Let's go crazy, let's go wild, let's go self-referential. I say Poirot star David Suchet!
Tressilian
Who is He: The butler, he has been in the family for something like a thousand years. Knows all the secrets, but would be willing to die if it meant protecting the family.
Originally played by: John Horsley, who co-starred with Catherine Rabett on "You Rang, M'Lord?"
My Choice: The always-dependable 200-year-old Irish actor David Kelly.
THE DETECTIVE
I know, I know. This is really what you came to see.
Hercule Poirot
Who is He: The world's greatest detective.
Originally played by: Bunches of people, but in the original Christmas show, it was David Suchet.
My Choice: This is kind of cheating. There's a movie called Murder by the Book, in which Hercule Poirot and Agatha Christie have an intellectual duel of sorts. The Poirot in that is the Poirot in mine: Academy Award Nominee Ian Holm.
Don't worry, he's used to playing small people with French accents.
And that is my cast for Hercule Poirot's Christmas.
*It is here that I traditionally do a Christmas song, but the one I chose is so epically long... We're better off without it.*
I know a few of you out there have never before read Hercule Poirot's Christmas. Thus, the following casting session may be confusing, or meaningless. However, I love Agatha Christie, and casts, and Christmas, and last time I checked, this was the HOLLMANN Holiday Extravaganza. So, allow me to be as selfish as Scrooge pre-Marley and Marley pre-death, and present my cast for the Agatha Christie classic Hercule Poirot's Christmas.
Synopsis (from us.agathachristie.com):
It is Christmas Eve. The Lee family reunion is shattered by a deafening crash of furniture, followed by a high-pitched wailing scream. Upstairs, the tyrannical Simeon Lee lies dead in a pool of blood, his throat slashed. But when Hercule Poirot, who is staying in the village with a friend for Christmas, offers to assist, he finds an atmosphere not of mourning, but of mutual suspicion. It seems everyone had their own reason to hate the old man...
THE LAW
Colonel Johnson
Who is He: Chief Constable of Yorkshire and friend of Poirot's. "I know criminals. Chicken-livered, most of them."
Originally played by: Nobody. In the TV version, Colonel Johnson was replaced with series (and short stories) regular Chief Inspector James Japp, who took the case for Scotland Yard with little or no argument from the locals, curiously enough. He was played by Philip Jackson.
My Choice: The great Bill Nighy, always an able supporting man, and who would work wonders with this small yet humorous role.
Superintendent Sugden
Who is He: Superintendent of the Middleshire Police. Johnson says he has little imagination.
Originally played by: Mark Tandy. Much younger than this photo, and with a mustache.
My Choice: Toby Stephens, who has at least four kick-ass roles to his credit: Bond villain (Die Another Day), murder suspect (Poirot: Five Little Pigs), Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre), and Maggie Smith's son. Only, he too needs a mustache. He's the one on the left.
Better look:
Anywho, moving on...
THE VICTIM
Simeon Lee
Who is He: The patriarch of the Lee family, with legitimate and illegitimate family members all over the place. How much of a dick is he? He gathered his family together for Christmas just to psychologically torture them for his own amusement. He gets his throat sliced open.
Originally played by: Vernon Dobtcheff, who was also in Sidney Lumet's Murder on the Orient Express.
My Choice: An aging family patriarch with a wicked sense of humor? Hmm, let me think.
THE FAMILY
Alfred Lee
Who is He: The eldest son. Kind of a pushover, since he still lives at home and serves his father like a Nubian slave. Hates his brother Harry. Simeon hated him because he was boring.
Originally played by: Simon Roberts.
My Choice: Academy Award Nominee Kenneth Branagh
Lydia Lee
Who is She: Alfred's wife, "an energetic, lean greyhound of a woman", stronger than her husband. She at least tells Simeon what she really thinks of him.
Originally played by: Catherine Rabett, who was on "You Rang, M'Lord?", my favorite Britcom of all time. More importantly, she played Elizabeth in Frankenstein Unbound.
My Choice: She even looks like an energetic, lean greyhound of a woman. Academy Award Winner Cate Blanchett.
George Lee
Who is He: An MP, if you can believe it, which means he's pretty high up on the social food chain! Also, he's a bit of a moron, cheap, and just dull as dirt.
Originally played by: Eric Carte, who has not changed a bit since 1994.
My Choice: I tend to typecast, giving the role of a cheap snob to someone who can play snobs really well. Ladies and gentlemen, the manager of the Spice Girls, Richard E. Grant.
Magdalene Lee
Who is She: George's much younger wife, a blonde beauty with a blank expression. She spends like it's going out of style. Everyone thinks George a fool for marrying her.
Originally played by: Andree Bernard, who is still quite a beauty.
My Choice: Another beautiful, sexually-charged blonde, Sienna Miller.
David Lee
Who is He: The youngest son, he has yet to recover from his mother's death twenty years ago. Coming back home reverts him to a childlike state.
Originally played by: Nobody. His character, perhaps the most complex and interesting of all, was cut out of the film.
My Choice: The youngest guy here, Ewan McGregor.
Hilda Lee
Who is She: David's plain wife, extremely devoted to her husband, in an almost scary amount.
Originally played by: Well, without David, there could be no Hilda.
My Choice: Plain but with an extreme force of character, Academy Award Nominee Samantha Morton.
Harry Lee
Who is He: The prodigal son, a dishonest swindler and forger of cheques. Naturally, his father's favorite.
Originally played by: Brian Gwaspari. This is an old picture.
My Choice: Dougray Scott, whom you may remember from Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore. Or Desperate Housewives.
SURPRISE GUESTS
Pilar Estravados
Who is She: The estranged granddaughter of Simeon's dead daughter, who married and lived in Spain. Pilar is beautiful and full of gumption. She also becomes a favorite of her grandfather's.
Originally played by: Sasha Behar, who is actually kind of pretty in an exotic kind of way.
My Choice: The only beautiful Spanish actress old enough, yet young enough, to play this part: Academy Award Nominee Penelope Cruz.
Stephen Farr
Who is He: A mysterious stranger from South Africa, claiming to be the son of an old family friend. But who is he, really? Can he be trusted? He and Pilar are in a constant state of eye-fucking.
Originally played by: Nobody. Again, one of the three most intriguing characters was cut out. Only Pilar remained.
My Choice: That master of accents, Academy Award Nominee Tim Roth.
THE SERVANTS
Horbury
Who is He: Simeon's valet, a mysterious man who comes and goes as quietly as a mouse. Or a cat, even.
Originally played by: Ayub Khan-Din, and they turned it into a race thing.
My Choice: Let's go crazy, let's go wild, let's go self-referential. I say Poirot star David Suchet!
Tressilian
Who is He: The butler, he has been in the family for something like a thousand years. Knows all the secrets, but would be willing to die if it meant protecting the family.
Originally played by: John Horsley, who co-starred with Catherine Rabett on "You Rang, M'Lord?"
My Choice: The always-dependable 200-year-old Irish actor David Kelly.
THE DETECTIVE
I know, I know. This is really what you came to see.
Hercule Poirot
Who is He: The world's greatest detective.
Originally played by: Bunches of people, but in the original Christmas show, it was David Suchet.
My Choice: This is kind of cheating. There's a movie called Murder by the Book, in which Hercule Poirot and Agatha Christie have an intellectual duel of sorts. The Poirot in that is the Poirot in mine: Academy Award Nominee Ian Holm.
Don't worry, he's used to playing small people with French accents.
And that is my cast for Hercule Poirot's Christmas.
*It is here that I traditionally do a Christmas song, but the one I chose is so epically long... We're better off without it.*
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